Online dating is exciting. Online dating is online dating. So I'm back on Tinder again don't know how long that will last , I've discovered Hinge join that one, really, you'll thank me later , and I'm giving OKCupid one more chance why the hell not, right? Despite the differences in all three, there's one truth all these dating sites have in common: Everyone is lying on all of them.
Even when the person you're talking to is being honest about all their basic physical characteristics, the lying happens in all that goes unsaid , what my friend Dr. Brad Blanton calls the "most pernicious form of lying. Obviously, the same sniping happens all the time with women talking about men -- and for gay and lesbian dating as well. This is a fact that bums me out. I love to hear what people are actually thinking and saying rather than being politely indulged.
Which led me to decide, why not share the wealth of what men are really, truly, brutally thinking with the rest of the world? To assist in creating a more open discussion or maybe just out of a sick sense of curiosity , I've asked hundreds of guys from these sites to share with me their most straight-up advice that they would never want to tell a woman to her face, and I've collected the most memorable 15 reactions I received.
I'm not endorsing ANY of these critiques or bits of advice or the wording. Are many of these responses filled with a fairly depressing amount of body obsession to say the least? But they're also honest, which counts for something, I think.
In the interest of the truth, I wanted to present them here in all of their unfiltered glory. Think of it as overhearing a bunch of secret and at times very superficial and obnoxious conversations at a bar. You might not think these guys are saints, but it's a fascinating eavesdrop to say the least. And, here we go: Be in the moment. Stop catfishing and expecting Tinder not to be Tinder. When I joined Hinge, I assumed there would be some overselling online, but I would say at least 7 out of 10 people use misleading pics.
Also Tinder is a hookup app. Don't get self-righteous in your statement saying, 'If you're into hookups, swipe left. Oh, and please, more inspirational quotes from Marilyn Monroe. Also, if you're going to post pics from 5 years ago, then I'll find some when I had more hair. Wait a while before you become an armchair psychologist. Who gives advice on the first date? I don't even know who you are. I lose interest if someone isn't actually talking to me. Like a real conversation. Solitary quotes as a bio have me rolling my eyes.
Usually it's some pseudo spiritual 'eat pray love' bullshit that does not exude intelligence or thoughtfulness but makes me think the woman is too lazy or inept to speak for herself. Also, the no bio is a swipe to the left. Don't hide, and don't be basic. Also why so many head shots and no body pics? Be proud of what you look like and attract someone who likes your type. Stop thinking it's about you.
Think like a man. Not tits and ass. It's one or the other. So if you want lots of responses, pictures demonstrating tits or ass will do more for your response rate than anything else you could possibly do. Many women will stipulate that, 'I don't want the kind of guy who responds to tits or ass,' but that is a poor strategy because you have just excluded all men.
Making assertions about yourself in your profile demonstrates low emotional intelligence in my opinion. Describing yourself as attractive, smart or fun is not useful. If you can't help but describe yourself, at least, for every self-descriptor, ask yourself, does this apply to every person in the world? If so, consider leaving it out. If I could only get back all the wasted driving time, fake polite time and money from dates that should have never happened because my date cyber-lied about their appearance.
The first picture you post is key. Don't post a picture with four girls uglier than you as most guys will swipe left assuming you are the ugly one. Post more than three pics and def more than one.
Otherwise some guys will assume you are a hooker if in fact you do look good. Make sure you do look good in these pics! I wonder what the hell some girls are thinking! Ask your friends for help picking out good pics! The selfie pics are debatable. Only post if in fact it makes you look cute or sexy. Otherwise it truly is just ridiculous and shows you have no friends or that you are so into yourself that it doesn't matter that you have no friends!
Show you, and only you. And don't use a wedding photo in a profile. Yes some women have done this, and it always comes off as tacky. I don't care if you're divorced or if you look beautiful in the pic. Head shots are less attractive than you think. I feel like you're selling me something you think I may want instead of you.
Life is short so stop wasting time. Don't post only head shots. It makes it seem as if you aren't confident in your figure or you don't want the guy to know what you look like. Don't play games and waste your time as well as the guy's. If you like someone, show you're interested.
Don't keep the guy guessing or waiting. Be aggressive and unique. Although when a woman is the first one to initiate conversation, I always get, 'Hi, how was your day? I'm sure there is more creativity than that.
You get extra points for something different. Be aware of the impression you're giving off. More than that and it gives off a vibe akin to 'yes, a man would be nice, but he will never be as important as my dog. But pics, all with the dog, a bit much to a lot of men.
Also, when I'm looking at someone's profile and they're laughing insanely in every photo, my guess is they're probably profoundly sad.
Whereas when a girl looks melancholic or lonely, that can be quite attractive. Don't find a new Tinder date while you're meeting a Tinder date in real life. In fact, take the battery out and swallow it.
Please be as honest as these guys were. I know you will.