There's not a lot of good teaching about dating in the Church, so I'd like some advice from the community here. Context I'm in my mids and looking for a Christian woman with a strong faith.
The one problem that I keep running into is that when I date these women, they have pretty blue pill expectations of how dating should go. For example, the last woman I was dating liked overt displays of chivalry opening the car door for her when I picked her up and didn't want me to touch her romantically holding hands, holding her waist, touching her lower back. Just a couple of days ago, she ended things because she said she didn't feel "spiritual chemistry", which she explained as "getting excited about each others' faith".
Now I have no problems with her not feeling spiritual chemistry, because my faith manifests itself in non-obvious and not culturally Christian ways. I don't serve in a lot of ministries, don't lead worship on the acoustic guitar while singing, don't preach, don't even hang out with many people from church that often. I do play electric guitar for the worship team but I'm in the back and don't sing.
The main way I act out my faith is through work and business see my response to - Developing and Articulating Your Mission. It's also important to note that I was leading her in every interaction, planning the dates, joking with her, taking to other people, holding good eye contact, general RP fundamentals. I also OYS and she knows I have a very strong life mission and am accomplishing it slowly but surely, but apparently those things were enough to get over her apprehension about "spiritual chemistry".
Analysis Now my main analysis doesn't really talk dive deep into "spiritual chemistry" as much as it goes into what I believe are the beliefs and environment that create this desire for "spiritual chemistry". I don't think I'd be too far from the truth when I say that I believe that this girl is an example of the many women in the church that are overly culturally Christian, which will hurt their attraction to men.
The main beliefs I see these women hold are: The more ministries a man serves in, the holier he is. The more a man spends time with his Christian community, the holier he is.
The more a man shows chivalry, the more he respects me. The more a man doesn't touch me, the more pure he is and the more he respects me.
This also gives me space to evaluate a man before emotions kick in too much. I'm under-indexed on the first two points, which makes women rank me not as holy as men who serve more heavily in the church. The last two points are where we get into more RP ideas. I believe that these Christian women are shooting themselves in the foot and destroying their attraction to men, unknowingly, by holding these values. Point 3 is a pure Blue Pill action, made to make the man elevate the woman to too high a place, causing her to lose respect and therefore attraction to him.
Point 4 doesn't allow a man to physically escalate and frame an interaction as romantic. Without romantic physical touch, dates turn into interviews and hang outs. While I'm not advocating for something like kissing early on in dating, a little bit of touch like holding hands is important build attraction.
Questions Does anyone else experience the four points I listed above? Are there other points I am missing that are important to Christian dating with respect to RP thought? What should I do in situations where a woman wants Points 3 and 4? My experience and RP theory, which I believe is right, tell me that this will kill attraction.
If this is true, how do I ignore her requests and build attraction the RP way? Once the above are answered, any other Christian dating advice in general? I would like to get married in the near future so would love some advice from the men I see in this sub.