Health Love and Sex Ask Adam: March 25 5: Do you think I can change? If you find something guys cute, you probably will always find them cute. Your job is to accept your attractions rather than judge them. If they hurt no one, then they are good. As a gay man, you have already spent years judging your sexuality. Use those lessons to unlearn any self-reproach you have about whom you find beautiful.
Many of my clients find younger guys attractive but have been unable to find a younger man who is also interested in a committed, long-term relationship. Finding a younger guy ready to build an enduring partnership is possible, but perhaps difficult.
Gay or bi men who want to increase their odds of finding a long-term lover often wish they could find guys in their 30s or older sexually attractive. If your attraction to younger guys is causing you relationship pain, you may be able to expand your desires. Some of us can bend our attractions, but few of us can change them dramatically. He had no trouble finding guys in their early 20s for hookups who were attracted to his big size and warm personality.
But he found it difficult to find a young guy interested in a long-term relationship. Jorge longed for a partner with the emotional maturity and economic stability that he himself had developed at mid-life. In therapy he discovered that his exclusive focus on younger guys was related to the shame he felt about this body.
As this learning took hold he still found the young guys fun to look at, but less compelling. He is now actively dating guys in their 30s and enjoying them. In therapy he uncovered that inside he felt very young. As therapy progressed he found his innate power and learned to express himself more freely in the world. As his empowered self-confidence grew he noticed that the somethings and even a few somethings began to look increasingly hot. Today he is in the second year of a relationship with a year-old man who can meet him emotionally.
While he is naturally more of a caretaker, he is now also letting himself be taken care of for the very first time.
He is a painter who loves beauty and will even take the time to drive around the block to enjoy the visual of an attractive young guy walking down the street. He has always been physically attracted to younger men, but emotionally he feels more connected and compatible with guys his own age of He and his new year-old boyfriend enjoy an active fantasy life. His boyfriend enjoys playing the role of the innocent young college student and Jeremy enjoys being the take-charge dominator.
These stories may or may not resonate with you. Your attractions may expand, or they may remain the same. When you learn to accept your sexuality you will find your relationships, sex life, and overall happiness improve.
When you feel good about yourself you get a lot more of what you want in life. The center offers services in its San Francisco and Los Angeles offices, or by Skype and phone worldwide. Email Adam your questions for possible publication. Questions may be edited.