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Dating an older boy

Dating an older boy

I was a sophomore in high school, and just beginning to understand that there was a whole wide world of romance out there. But, unfortunately for them, I met this guy at an art park one Friday, and then, things kind of just started happening. There was just one little problem. After all, my sister was three years older than me, and I had grown up hanging out with her friends all the time.

It was true, I had always mostly hung out with older kids. What was four years in the grand scheme of things, I thought to myself.

Tons of adults I knew had significant age differences between them and their spouses, some spanning gaps of ten years. Compared to those differences, a four year difference between teens seemed innocuous enough. And, when I made this argument to plenty of people around me—friends, concerned adults, and my parents, they seemed to back off. They were still concerned, but I think on some level they were at a loss. My parents always gave me a lot of freedom, and a lot of responsibilities—which I always dutifully fulfilled.

I was smugly satisfied. Of course there was nothing wrong with me dating a 19 year old. I needed someone older. What I never stopped to think about during this whole ordeal, however, was what kind of mindset my then boyfriend had to be in to find dating a fifteen year old an appealing prospect.

At 19, my ex boyfriend was beginning his first year at university. He had already had a few girlfriends, and a handful of sexual encounters— a whole handful more than I had. Why on earth would he have any interest in a 15 year old? Two weeks after we started dating, we had sex. Looking back now, I often think about how so much of our relationship in its early days was focused on sex. I wonder, intently, why someone with so much more sexual experience, would want to have sex with a fifteen year old who had had absolutely none.

I remember one afternoon, being a little confused about how quickly things had been moving between us. When we got there, I finally confessed my growing discomfort. Those words left me shaken, and a bit taken aback. But, I silenced the alarm bells going off inside my head because I trusted him. From then on, we always did things his way. And from then on, I began to lose my sense of self, and my sense of my own boundaries as I deferred to him completely. It was only years later that I began to dissect all of our encounters and see plainly, how unhealthy they were.

I am not the type of person who likes to tell people what to do, or what choices to make in their personal life. And my fifteen year old self certainly was not the type who would listen to those people either. It may just be that you have what no grown woman out there has— the ability to quiet your discomforts, compromise your boundaries, and put your trust into someone who does not have your best interest at heart.

Intelligence will never equalize an uneven power dynamic in a sexual and romantic relationship between an adolescent and an adult. She spends way too much time contemplating the intersection of Drake and post colonial theory and way too much money on pina coladas. You can follow her on Instagram marxistbeyonce.

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Is Dating An Older Man Weird? EXPLAINED



Dating an older boy

I was a sophomore in high school, and just beginning to understand that there was a whole wide world of romance out there.

But, unfortunately for them, I met this guy at an art park one Friday, and then, things kind of just started happening. There was just one little problem. After all, my sister was three years older than me, and I had grown up hanging out with her friends all the time. It was true, I had always mostly hung out with older kids.

What was four years in the grand scheme of things, I thought to myself. Tons of adults I knew had significant age differences between them and their spouses, some spanning gaps of ten years. Compared to those differences, a four year difference between teens seemed innocuous enough. And, when I made this argument to plenty of people around me—friends, concerned adults, and my parents, they seemed to back off.

They were still concerned, but I think on some level they were at a loss. My parents always gave me a lot of freedom, and a lot of responsibilities—which I always dutifully fulfilled. I was smugly satisfied. Of course there was nothing wrong with me dating a 19 year old. I needed someone older. What I never stopped to think about during this whole ordeal, however, was what kind of mindset my then boyfriend had to be in to find dating a fifteen year old an appealing prospect.

At 19, my ex boyfriend was beginning his first year at university. He had already had a few girlfriends, and a handful of sexual encounters— a whole handful more than I had.

Why on earth would he have any interest in a 15 year old? Two weeks after we started dating, we had sex. Looking back now, I often think about how so much of our relationship in its early days was focused on sex. I wonder, intently, why someone with so much more sexual experience, would want to have sex with a fifteen year old who had had absolutely none.

I remember one afternoon, being a little confused about how quickly things had been moving between us. When we got there, I finally confessed my growing discomfort. Those words left me shaken, and a bit taken aback. But, I silenced the alarm bells going off inside my head because I trusted him.

From then on, we always did things his way. And from then on, I began to lose my sense of self, and my sense of my own boundaries as I deferred to him completely. It was only years later that I began to dissect all of our encounters and see plainly, how unhealthy they were. I am not the type of person who likes to tell people what to do, or what choices to make in their personal life. And my fifteen year old self certainly was not the type who would listen to those people either.

It may just be that you have what no grown woman out there has— the ability to quiet your discomforts, compromise your boundaries, and put your trust into someone who does not have your best interest at heart. Intelligence will never equalize an uneven power dynamic in a sexual and romantic relationship between an adolescent and an adult. She spends way too much time contemplating the intersection of Drake and post colonial theory and way too much money on pina coladas.

You can follow her on Instagram marxistbeyonce.

Dating an older boy

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3 Comments

  1. As immature as dudes your age can be, there's only one time to have a teen romance and that's now. Are you going to go to school dances with this guy?

  2. I find it difficult to explain to people how my relationship came to be. It was only years later that I began to dissect all of our encounters and see plainly, how unhealthy they were. Charges can be made, people have to go to court and that cool older guy you're hooking up with might be labeled as a sex offender for the rest of forever.

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