But what are these mistakes you keep talking about? I am glad you asked because the first part of this guide is precisely about these mistakes. Most of the advice in this 5 Step Plan is counter-intuitive, but it works. When you read it, you will understand why and it will all start to make sense. Since then, I have messaged him everyday constantly and he barely replies.
I have to text him a hundred times before he replies just once. He said he loved me and then suddenly this.
Your instincts tell you that if you stay in contact with your ex, they will not forget about you and hopefully come back. In fact, every time you call or text your ex, you are showing them you are a needy person and you are miserable without them.
This neediness is unattractive and pushes your ex further away. Your instinct fool you into thinking that your interaction with your ex will go something like this. But in reality, it goes something like this. You should be extremely careful whenever you go out drinking. You might end up calling your ex and making a fool of yourself. So whenever you go out drinking, have a friend with you who can stop you from making this mistake.
You should contact them in a certain way that will make them feel attracted to you again. I explain exactly how to do this below in Step 4. They decided to leave you and they are prepared to go through your begging and pleading. The only thing that begging will do is make you look like a weak and insecure person.
Your thought pattern becomes something like If he knows how miserable I am without him, he will come back. Again, your instincts are screwing with you. Trust me, no one takes their ex back out of pity. No one is attracted to someone who is miserable. And even if your ex came back because of this, do you really want your ex to be with you out of pity? Or do you want them to respect and love you? Let Them Walk All Over You Your instincts will tell you that if you just agree to everything your ex wants, they will come back.
Your instincts will tell you that the only thing that matters is to get your ex back. And for that, you can sacrifice everything. You let your ex walk all over you. You become a doormat. You agree to the most ridiculous demands your ex has.
Because having your ex in your life is the only thing that matters. Agreeing to everything your ex says is not going to bring them back. And even if they do come back, they will leave shortly realizing they have no respect for you as a person. Showering Them with Affection Your instincts tell you that if your ex just realizes how much you love them and how much you care about them, they will come back. You just need to make them believe that no one in the world will ever love them the way you do.
How can they reject you once they realize how much you love them, Right? The truth is, they already know that you love them, how much you adore them and how much you care about them.
But they still decided to breakup. Showering them with affection is not going to help you. And that will just make them want to get away from you as soon as possible.
I better go over there and do everything that this article has told me not to do. I will try everything, including begging, using pity, telling them how much I love them, agreeing to all their conditions be a doormat. In most cases, you freak out and make all the mistakes mentioned above.
The truth is, your ex is most probably in a rebound relationship Read: And almost all of the rebound relationships end sooner rather than later. It sucks, but rebound relationships are a way for many people to deal with breakups. In fact, it just means the opposite. It means that they are having a hard time moving on and as long as they are in this rebound relationship, they are avoiding grief.
And that means it will take them longer to get over you. A rebound relationship is like a cigarette. It provides a false sense of calmness.
And it ends when the flame is over. Whatever happens, do not tell your ex to break up with their rebound partners. Let it be their idea. They have a huge hole in their life after breaking up with you which they are trying to fill with someone new.
They will soon realize that a rebound relationship can not fill the emptiness and they will end the relationship. Do you think his relationship is not just a rebound? Name Calling and Anger Name-calling your ex out of anger or frustration is a common reaction for people who were used to name-calling their ex while fighting. Your instinct wants to believe that this is just another fight or argument. And if you just show your ex that you are angry, they will calm down and tell you they want to get back together.
The same way it happened when you both fought. This rarely ever works. If your ex is serious about the breakup, then getting angry will only make them think that breaking up with you was the right decision. Getting angry will remind them of all the bad fights and arguments that slowly and surely ate away the foundation of your relationship.
So bad that the neighbors had to knock on their doors at least once a month. Threatening to leave each other was a very common occurrence in their fights. But one day, Amanda decided to leave Terry for good. She was tired of the toxic relationship. She was embarrassed in front of her neighbors and was ashamed of herself and her partner. She was tired of the relationship pattern. The good that was always followed by the bad.
And the bad kept on getting worse while the good remained the same. At first Terry was in denial. She really wanted to breakup. He felt like he had no hope. Everyone blamed him for all the negativity in the relationship. It felt like his entire world came crumbling down. He preferred it when she was angry at him.
At least that meant she cared. Terry followed this plan. But he had to do a lot of soul searching to figure out what went wrong. The toxicity in the relationship was caused by insecurity, lack of trust and lack of communication.
Both of them had no idea how to communicate with each other. Terry wanted to make sure that this never happened again if they get back together. He went to counseling.
He started an anger management program. And he read books on communication. The last time I heard from him, they were talking about getting back together after two months of no contact.
She said that she wants to get back together but is not sure if we will repeat the same mistakes. She felt that she was also responsible for the bad arguments and she wants to improve herself as well. We are planning to meet up and discuss it soon. Maybe we will go for couples counseling. The Obsession and Misinterpretation The obsession that comes after a bad breakup is probably the worst part of it.
Your mind keeps racing trying to figure out the best way to get your ex back as soon as possible. Your mind wants a fool proof plan. It wants a guarantee that things will work out with your ex in the future. Does this mean he wants to get back? Does he want me to reach out?