Posted on January 25, in Addiction Dating an Addict: Like the song says, breaking up is hard to do. You want to support them through their illness, but you also know their addiction is taking a toll on you.
How do you know whether to stay or go? Have you repeatedly loaned money to your addicted partner or lied for them? Your partner is emotionally unavailable to you. Are you finding it difficult to concentrate or work effectively due to worrying about your addicted partner? The AAMFT recommends that a partner be included in the addiction treatment plan so that these types of conflicts in a relationship can be resolved.
You may feel fed up with a repeating cycle of relapse that has led to breakups and periods of renewed sobriety that have led to reunions. Ask yourself if this chaotic dynamic is likely to continue for the foreseeable future. Is your partner doing everything they can to break the cycle? Being in a relationship with an addict can be draining. Due to the chronic nature of drug and alcohol abuse, relapse is likely.
This can be painful for partners and loved ones. If you can develop the tools you need to avoid enabling, either through one-on-one counseling for yourself or through other support programs, and you still feel hopeful about the future with your partner, it may be worthwhile to stay and work on your relationship.
Your partner has a solid relapse prevention plan. You may be in a relationship with an addicted partner who has been actively participating in a recovery program, and relapses have been few and far between. Staying in the relationship is easier when your partner has a solid plan in place in case relapse rears its head. They must demonstrate their commitment to their recovery by proactively working with support groups and sober friends.
Without a plan and an ongoing investment in recovery, triggers to drink or use can lead even the most well-intentioned person back into active substance abuse. Your addicted partner needs ongoing support to stay sober and they should be vigilant about working their recovery program.
Likewise, as the partner of an addict, you need to ensure your needs are met. Have you and your partner been able to strike this balance? If both of your needs are being met most of the time, your relationship is likely on solid ground, and you may decide to stay for the long term.
Making the decision to stay or let go of a relationship with an addicted partner can be extremely difficult. Whatever you decide, give yourself permission to take care of yourself. Struggling with drug or alcohol addiction? Call us for a free, confidential consultation.