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Dating someone who dumped you before

Dating someone who dumped you before

He asked me out on the next date during our dates. I was able to relax and be myself from the outset with him, something that is entirely new for me. I led him around the bases slowly he responded so well to the no-sex til exclusivity chat , was easygoing and appreciative of everything he did for me, and generally felt like the cool girl I am in everyday life. I admit it, my emotional investment in him grew before we got to exclusivity.

Although I read your posts about how I should give a man weeks to claim me, because we both had work trips that interrupted our flow, I gave him nearly 4 months to choose me. And as the other men I was dating fell off, I found myself less interested in finding other men to replace them, as this front-runner guy was making all the right moves. It was probably a mistake on my part not to continue seeking out other men, since I was not yet exclusive with this man.

And perhaps predictably, things started going downhill with him. First, the contact from him slowed down. A couple days between calls, then no calls for almost a week between our dates. Then, he canceled a date. He did it in a responsible way, calling the day before and apologizing. I was about to leave on a work trip so we loosely planned to reschedule when I returned.

Slowly I was feeling less safe with him, and I was starting to feel insecurities rise up in me. A couple of days later, he called and we had a relatively painless breakup. He said that while he thought I was amazing and awesome, he ultimately wanted something different. And while that was hard to hear, I respected his opinion and appreciated the way he conducted himself.

I see a few mistakes I made, things I am still learning. In reading your stuff I see that I stayed too long and that I got too emotionally invested in this one man before he stepped up to claim me. Yet, I have no regrets. Your books were immensely helpful here, helping me stay in a positive mindset even as I simultaneously nursed my hurt. I know that by the time you answer this question our date will have come and gone. But I am curious, in your extensive experience, do relationships work out when a guy dumps you early on and then comes back?

Or might this be a case of a warning sign of trouble… Curiouser and curiouser, Kate Kate, Thanks for the compliments and thanks for providing the detail necessary to help me help you. I usually quote things like: No need to try to piece Humpty Dumpty back together again when there are a million other guys out in the universe. Most women would be well served to stop their wishful thinking, leave the past in the past, and move on.

I have a Masters private coaching client right now, who was dating a guy for about 6 weeks. When it was time for him to step up and become her boyfriend, he backed away, saying that he was having a hard time getting over his ex.

To her credit, my client let the guy go with a minimum of fanfare. We prepared to get online and cast a wide net. The guy came back. He had time and distance to think and he realized that he really blew it. He came back, humbled. Does this guarantee a marriage? If he starts being an unpredictable guy who disappears and communicates poorly with you, you have every right to dump him. But just because he had second thoughts does not make him a bad guy.

If anything, it makes him a normal human being, who made a mistake and is now trying to rectify it. Your script has yet to be written, Kate.

Be sure and come back and let us know what happens, okay?

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Did You Sleep With Him Too Soon?



Dating someone who dumped you before

He asked me out on the next date during our dates. I was able to relax and be myself from the outset with him, something that is entirely new for me. I led him around the bases slowly he responded so well to the no-sex til exclusivity chat , was easygoing and appreciative of everything he did for me, and generally felt like the cool girl I am in everyday life.

I admit it, my emotional investment in him grew before we got to exclusivity. Although I read your posts about how I should give a man weeks to claim me, because we both had work trips that interrupted our flow, I gave him nearly 4 months to choose me. And as the other men I was dating fell off, I found myself less interested in finding other men to replace them, as this front-runner guy was making all the right moves.

It was probably a mistake on my part not to continue seeking out other men, since I was not yet exclusive with this man. And perhaps predictably, things started going downhill with him. First, the contact from him slowed down. A couple days between calls, then no calls for almost a week between our dates. Then, he canceled a date. He did it in a responsible way, calling the day before and apologizing. I was about to leave on a work trip so we loosely planned to reschedule when I returned.

Slowly I was feeling less safe with him, and I was starting to feel insecurities rise up in me. A couple of days later, he called and we had a relatively painless breakup. He said that while he thought I was amazing and awesome, he ultimately wanted something different.

And while that was hard to hear, I respected his opinion and appreciated the way he conducted himself. I see a few mistakes I made, things I am still learning. In reading your stuff I see that I stayed too long and that I got too emotionally invested in this one man before he stepped up to claim me. Yet, I have no regrets. Your books were immensely helpful here, helping me stay in a positive mindset even as I simultaneously nursed my hurt.

I know that by the time you answer this question our date will have come and gone. But I am curious, in your extensive experience, do relationships work out when a guy dumps you early on and then comes back?

Or might this be a case of a warning sign of trouble… Curiouser and curiouser, Kate Kate, Thanks for the compliments and thanks for providing the detail necessary to help me help you. I usually quote things like: No need to try to piece Humpty Dumpty back together again when there are a million other guys out in the universe.

Most women would be well served to stop their wishful thinking, leave the past in the past, and move on. I have a Masters private coaching client right now, who was dating a guy for about 6 weeks. When it was time for him to step up and become her boyfriend, he backed away, saying that he was having a hard time getting over his ex.

To her credit, my client let the guy go with a minimum of fanfare. We prepared to get online and cast a wide net. The guy came back. He had time and distance to think and he realized that he really blew it. He came back, humbled. Does this guarantee a marriage? If he starts being an unpredictable guy who disappears and communicates poorly with you, you have every right to dump him.

But just because he had second thoughts does not make him a bad guy. If anything, it makes him a normal human being, who made a mistake and is now trying to rectify it.

Your script has yet to be written, Kate. Be sure and come back and let us know what happens, okay?

Dating someone who dumped you before

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5 Comments

  1. There are people like this, of every gender — intense, charming, immensely self-involved people who care way more about their amusement than the people who amuse them. Many aren't use to discovering flaws and then looking for solutions or being tolerant, accepting and understanding.

  2. She knew that dumping you would hurt you. She realizes she took you for granted — that every person has profoundly annoying qualities, but that not everyone is as profoundly great a boyfriend as you were.

  3. They are erecting love barriers and actually can be driving off the love they may seek. More often, couples have difficulty forgiving and resolving conflicts which may motivate a withdrawal. Some go through a "plunder" stage where they sexually experiment with many partners.

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