By Bob Schneider, November 24, at Because I made nearly all the mistakes and I learned from them. All but the last two were good years.
My second marriage was 2 years. I learned more from the brief marriage about how to destroy a marriage than I learned in my first marriage. Failure is often our best teacher. There are a lot of ideas about what makes a lasting marriage work. Many people think there is one elusive key to making a marriage work.
The truth is we all have needs. Always putting yourself second builds resentment in the long-term. As that resentment grows over the years, then there is trouble. This list was created by failing in nearly all the categories listed. Never stop dating your spouse. When you first were attracted to each other it was high romance.
There were dinners, and concerts, maybe sporting events and shopping. It was a time of just being together as a couple. Bring her flowers on Friday. Because it is the first of two date-nights during the week. The work week is over, and flowers are a reminder she is still your girlfriend, even though there is a ring on her finger.
Discuss your dates in advance and ask her. Maybe she wants to go to the ballet and not the Bears? When she talks, listen. Women tell me this is one of their major complaints about men. When a woman comes to us with a problem we think we must solve it for her. Sometimes she has her own solution in mind and just wants to be heard. Shut up and listen, unless it is to ask questions, so she can fully explain how she feels.
That especially goes for challenges you may be facing in the future. You just might be surprised how less daunting the challenge is if she is informed in advance of a crisis and on your side. I worked in a field where I had to keep secrets. One January, I told my wife I had to go to Canada. I was sent to Central America.
While there, I got a bad sunburn. I tried to sell a tanning bed story. It was plausible except for the fact it appeared I had been laying in a tanning bed wearing a polo shirt. Nothing destroys a relationship faster than a lie. There is a popular myth that men are to be towers of strength have no vulnerabilities. We are supposed to be mechanical and not show emotions even if they are welling up inside. Are you one of those guys who expects a woman to report in every time she changes locations?
Do you expect her to be at your beck and call? If so, then you are being a control freak and you want a servant and not a spouse. Back off and let her live her life. Talk with her and not at her. Men are good at barking orders. Listen to what she has to say and ask questions. For her sake, take care of yourself. Stay fit, stay active, be kind to yourself. Weary from a week of work, do you just turn into a slob on the weekends?
Grooming should be for all 7 days of the week and not just for the office. Forget the blame game. We will have frustrations in life. We will face disappointments from time-to-time. Never blame her for your frustrations. It is not her fault you are frustrated. I had a new car. My wife was rear-ended at a traffic stop. I was at work when the phone rang, and she told me about the accident.
I asked about the damage to the car. I apologized to her for that remark when I got home. That was inconsiderate of me. Close that roving eye. When you two are out and a beautiful woman walks by, what do you do? My advice to you, especially if self-preservation is a goal of yours is not to look. Believe me, she is watching you to see if you are watching other women.
There are plenty of people out there who want to play. If you are going to be in a relationship, be in a relationship. Tell her you are in love her every day. Tell her your life is better because she is your partner.
Your life is better coupled than alone. If she is a coffee or tea drinker, bring a cup to her in the morning and kiss her awake. Hold her close and tell her she is beautiful and wonderful. Do little things to help her out. Even when couples argue, do it with respect. Always remember, she is your partner in all things. Treat her that way. Treat her as your equal at all time. Allow her dignity to shine through. Type your email address in the box and click the "create subscription" button.
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