What are your thoughts on stating explicitly in my profile what I categorically do want in a relationship and, conversely, what I categorically do not want? Is there an upbeat, non-attacking way to say that I want to get married and will only consider meeting men who want the same? Related to this, there are some matches that just will not work with me — smokers, for one, and guys who are enraged with their exes and monologue about them ceaselessly.
So, in sum, I want to meet emotionally and legally available guys who are serious in their intent to marry and who are willing to consider me as a possible mate, applying to me the same thoughtful consideration that I must apply to them.
All this deal-breaker kind of talk does seem rather heavy for an introductory profile. What do you think? A young, hot woman who is easygoing and will allow him to be himself at all times. You sound shallow and negative and picky, even if what you desire is quite reasonable. Say what you DO want. This is not an opinion. This may come as a shock, but there is absolutely no value into trying to turn these people away. You are under no obligation to write back to them.
But we are talking about deal-breakers here — yours and his. And by explicitly stating your intentions in your word first essay, you will always sound too serious or heavy. There are other experts who say you should state everything right up front so as not to waste your time.
And by leading with your very reasonable desires in your profile, you may be killing your chances to forge a connection. So hold off on the proclamations and use your best radar. If the guy sounds like a player by email, phone, or after the first couple of dates, you can always dump him. If the science of writing a compelling and likeable online dating profile seems tricky, you can have a professional writer do it for you.
All of my writers have been trained personally by me and have written scores of profiles over the past 7 years.