Hi Lucy, I've been with my new girlfriend of 18 months. Things are well but she's been invited to "speed dating" for her friends birthday.
I am definitely not happy with her going and my girlfriend says she's going regardless of how upset it has made me. It's now putting our relationship at risk, I've been thinking about going on a break but she's not willing to do that. She's beautiful and she's made herself out to be someone I adore but for the last several months, she's not who I thought she was and now I can't stop thinking about how happy my ex of 5 years made me.
I know I shouldn't but I compare them and I'm very confused. I'm no longer with someone who never would upset me and now I'm with someone who would go against my feelings no matter how much it hurt. Do I let my girlfriend go to the speed dating? Or do I put my foot down and give her an ultimatum a break for a few days to avoid massive arguments? Hi Jody, She's still going even though she knows it's going to hurt me If you were both going then it could be something fun for you to do together. If you both had the same attitude towards speed dating, then it could potentially be a night out for you both to enjoy.
However, she is doing it without you, which might be considered an unnecessary activity, given that she is seeing you. If she was doing it behind your back then she might be using it as a way of seeking out other people, however she has been open and honest and told you what she's doing.
Perhaps if she had kept it from you then she might have had other intentions. It can be hard to say 'no' to a group activity especially if it's for a close friend, however there are ways around any uncomfortable situation. She could meet up with them afterwards and continue the celebrations in a more appropriate setting, thus making things easier between you both. Chances are; because your relationship is going through a rough patch you are thinking about the better times with your ex.
This is a natural process and it can be hard to remember why you broke up when your memories are clouded by the highlights. If you feel that your girlfriend has been hiding her true self and you don't like the real her, then perhaps, ex or no ex, the relationship is not right. You have expressed your dislike of her going and yet it sounds like she hasn't acknowledged your feelings on the matter. No relationship should have to endure a 'one or the other' mentality for everything; however compromises need to be made.
In this case, there may be wiggle room to keep you both happy. This event could be a reflection of how she will be with bigger issues in your relationship. Or it could be an isolated incident, however if she is becoming less flexible then it could be indicative of a pattern of events. Perhaps going on break might make her realise that she has hurt you- however if this is her true self, then it may not change her when you decide to get back together. If you do take a break, perhaps use this time to assess how you feel without her.
If you feel more like yourself then maybe that will tell you all you need to know. It's quick, easy, free and you don't have to leave your real name.