July 3rd, by Nick Notas 8 Comments Online dating sucks for most guys. They send first messages endlessly with no results and constantly tell me how useless it is. Therefore, I have made it my mission over the last year to really decipher the online dating code.
Why do some guys have success where others fail? What kind of messages get responded to? And are there any consistent patterns? You accomplish this by creating a fun, enjoyable atmosphere that gets her excited to reply.
I did a huge post about it and nearly all of the profiles I critique suffer from crappy photos. Their pictures are unflattering and blurry. Care about taking high quality shots and coming off as a put-together gentleman. That said, here are the guidelines you want to follow for a successful first message: Message girls with high match percentages.
Use proper spelling and grammar. Spell check and re-read your sentences before you send them. Make sure you have all punctuation necessary. Emoticons are your friend. It can soften a message and convey a cheeky or flirtatious tone. Unless something really stands out, find something a little further in to talk about.
It shows you went through and actually read her profile. Keep it short and pithy. Trim ruthlessly and cut out any excessive words or unimportant details. Think in emotions, not facts. Find something that genuinely intrigues you about her. Stay positive and playful. She should always open her inbox and smile; lightheartedness is key. Avoid being mundane or generic.
You have to be a bit creative and put some thought into it. Examples below Limit yourself to one compliment maximum. But, the occasional genuine and well-placed one is great.
You have really cool taste in music. One commonality is enough but avoid messages like this at all costs: Let her know a quality or quirk that won you over. Ask her a thought-provoking question.
Gently tease or bust on her for something she said. Even make a statement of interest about something you liked dimples example below. The Examples Here are some examples and explanations of how to implement the above guidelines: You say people misjudge you at first, how so? This means I can be a little ballsy in my approach. Your dimples are adorable. I noticed how pronounced her dimples were and I genuinely thought they were adorable, so I told her. I can do a spot-on Kermit the Frog when necessary.
I hate olives with a passion and so does she, so why not joke about it? I also found the fact that she likes doing accents hilarious. Asking her about it is non-threatening and a unique way to start a dialogue between you two. That creates an instant personal connection and provides incentive for her to message back.
Use the guidelines to improve your chances for next time. Always have fun with your messages and stay genuine. Talk to me for a free strategy session. Just as I was going to drop you a line I logged in to check my okc messages. The singer girl wrote back, said she can meet for coffee this week. One of the girls from below also wrote back, and two other girls who visited my profile and I wrote to last night also wrote back. One I chatted with online wants to get coffee too. So four replies in one day… that broke my record of replies in one day… by a lot!
Sign up below to get immediate access to the First Date Field Manual. Do you ever use the same message on multiple girls? You should be able to read her profile, have something catch your interest, and write a couple of lines from that in minutes. This is a great little guide. Nick Notas on July 9, Thanks Tony. Just wanted to comment that I really found this post helpful and entertaining.
I was frozen on what to say in a first message, but after reading this, I found out exactly what I wanted to say without being so self-critical for once. Nick Notas on January 24, So do I! Reply Al on May 5, Your blog is a great find. The profiles are relatively short on Match. I can barely find anything on there to talk about or relate to. It feels a lot easier on OKC.
I run into a lot of girls viewing my profile after I send a message, but then not replying. Reply Frank on November 7, This is a great article, Nick. I like the brevity of your messages — creativity with no fluff.