My husband is very attentive to my needs and desires and thoroughly enjoys pleasing me. He has made me feel safe and secure in the bedroom and goes out of his way to make me feel wonderful. He feels continually ignored.
He says that he feels like the bedroom is all about me. So my question is, how do I desire to bring pleasure to him and be genuine about it? Great question, and I think this comes down to some fundamentally different ways that the sexes experience sex. Women need to concentrate in order to make sex pleasurable, so we often have a hard time focusing on making him feel good during sex.
If they did, for many couples sex would last about 2 minutes. Think about how this works for a moment: He, in turn, needs to think about her, or sex will be over too quickly. He needs to NOT think only about himself. God made sex so that he would have to think first and foremost about her, and she would be able to bask in it and enjoy it.
If a husband concentrates on his wife, sex lasts longer and both receive a lot of pleasure. If a wife concentrates on her husband, sex often is shorter and only he tends to receive pleasure. It's interesting how God made sex! Click To Tweet So, yes, women have a hard time reaching orgasm. To feel good, women must silence all those voices in their heads and the endless to-do lists and just FEEL and experience, and men must focus on someone other than themselves.
That does have some benefits! Men can then start to think: During sex I concentrate on her and worry about her. How is that fair? The couple tends to have sex only when she wants it in cases where she has the lower libido. This is Exhibit A on why we need to understand the different physical dynamics and emotional dynamics to the ways our bodies work during sex.
It really does matter! Have some conversations about the different ways men and women approach sex—and what we both need: Read the post on why orgasm is harder for women —and why God may have made it that way.
Understand the emotional dynamics that go into great sex, since we need to learn to communicate, trust, and give! Read the post on why enthusiasm matters to men —why it actually matters to a guy that his wife wants sex, and how we can signal that to our husbands. Read this post this one here! Now, what can we do to show our husbands that we do love them and want them to have a great sex life, too? Here are just a few ideas: Make Foreplay about Your Husband! Once you start making love, it may be necessary for a woman to be able to concentrate—or at least to be carried away by feelings rather than thinking about making him feel good.
You can make foreplay fun for him , too! And one thing that men do like is looking. So put on some pretty lingerie.
Or let him see you undressing. And during foreplay you can even take turns doing different things to each other. As I talked about recently, the Ultimate Intimacy App is awesome for that, and I highly recommend checking it out.
That way you can each feel that you get to do what you want occasionally, without your spouse feeling pressured to do that all the time. I am not talking about participating in sinful things or things that you are very uncomfortable with. This way you each get that chance occasionally, while normally sex is about both of you. Use some tips in my post on how to make sex feel amazing for your husband , and let him know that this one is going to be all about him.
Quickies really can be fun. Sexual power and sexual confidence are good things--within marriage. Just because our culture has made them gross doesn't mean that wives shouldn't enjoy the effects we do have on our husbands!
Click To Tweet Given how insecure so many of us are about our bodies and so much else, it can be quite healing to realize the effect that we can have on our husbands. So during some of those quickies, watch his reaction when you do certain things. See that YOU do all of this to him. You are the one who drives him crazy! When you begin to realize this, it can make you a lot more sexually confident. Want to have those conversations about what you each desire, but find them a little bit awkward?
Check it out here. What do you think? Have you ever found this dynamic to be true in your sex life—where he concentrates on her more than she concentrates on him?