Sheila Wray Gregoire On my blog, I write predominantly about marriage and sex, and because of that, women who face problems in the bedroom often email me. And the most common complaint? I just want my husband to want it some of the time! You feel like a freak. Part of the problem may be how to make your husband want you and the other part may be medical. In one of the surveys that I took for this book, 23 percent of the female respondents stated that they had the higher sex drive .
Here are some of the causes. Low Testosterone About five million American men suffer from low testosterone, the hormone responsible for sexual arousal. If your husband seems to have a low libido, try to convince him to have it checked out.
A simple blood test can verify whether he does indeed have low hormone levels. Weight Problems In some cases, male low libido is simply a physical issue. Fat cells produce estrogen which works against testosterone—the libido builder—in men. The more estrogen, the less desire. Flee from hops, and the beer gut will go away too! Pornography Another huge libido stealer for men is pornography.
The more men are into pornography, the less they are into sex in real life. Porn trains the brain to be aroused by the image, not the relationship. If your husband is into pornography, get help. Talk to a pastor. Talk to a mentor. Addiction Addiction to porn will lower his libido, but so will addiction to just about anything. The problem is not so much that your husband is rejecting you sexually as it is that, because he is so consumed with something else, he is unable to feel aroused or excited.
That consuming feeling is very difficult for him to fight against. Look for addiction recovery groups in your area to get advice on steps you can take to help him. And work provides an awfully strong temptation because men tend to thrive when they feel competent. For many men, that place is work.
They derive such satisfaction from building a business, earning money or prestige, or just working hard and accomplishing something that all of their passion, drive, and energy are devoted to work, not you. Create a home where you laugh and where you demonstrate respect and love. Carve out time to value him and have fun with him so that home life becomes a haven and a source of strength for him too. Lack of Friendship Often when there is a problem in the marriage, it shows up in the bedroom.
But because the symptom is in the bedroom, we often think the solution is too. In reality, the solution is often found outside the bedroom. Sex embodies our spiritual, emotional, and relational selves. Spend more time together. Lack of Respect Girls, watch how you talk to your husband. Undermining our men is remarkably easy. I know many women who belittle their husbands in public without realizing it.
When you open your mouth to say something to your husband to others, make sure that comment is something uplifting. But our respect for our husbands goes even further than that. Ladies, if something is important to your husband, it should matter to you. Before blaming him for running away emotionally and sexually, ask yourself if you have done anything to push him out. For these emotionally based fears, the best defense is building your friendship and the trust in your relationship so that he knows you accept him completely.
Have you and your husband struggled with his lack of sex in your relationship? My study was 83 percent Christian women who were active in their faith. Laumann, Anthony Paik, Raymond C.