Brad What is the etiquette for logging into a dating site after a first date? Should I be upset if I see someone logging into a dating site after our date? I see this question most often from the angle of: Since Match displays how active a person has been over the last 24hrs, online now, etc.
So when is the right time to go back online? And how much should we read into someone we met going back online? Many people feel that traditional dating should follow a pattern of meeting someone, giving them all your attention, then ending it or taking the relationship to more serious territory. Obviously not everyone feels this way, but many do. With online dating, there were times where I was talking with seven or eight women at a time all at different stages of the dating process.
There were times where I might have two or three first dates in a single week. Many of the women I met, especially those with some experience dating online, were do the same thing. Was I a player? However, the environment of online dating is different than traditional dating.
But you should recognize that online dating is different than old school dating and what might have been rejection in traditional dating can be fine in online dating. At any rate, the real trick here is to have patience and avoid the opposite: Avoiding Overreacting I just talked about this topic in my article on overreacting killing relationships however I want to touch on it again here.
A man and woman meet and the date goes great. The woman is hurt, so she emails the guy telling him how horrible he is and that things are over. Later, she feels bad and starts to worry that she may have overreacted side note: I get a lot of emails from women at this point.
She tries to repair things with the guy but the damage is done: This kind of thing happens way too often. We jump to conclusions. Well-meaning friends apply traditional dating rules to online dating when they give us advice and that leads to people overreacting and killing potentially great relationships.
Assumptions are the root of overreactions! Assume that they are busy with work, especially when they make it clear ahead of time that they are busy. As I worked with the woman, it slowly became clear to her that he was being honest the whole time and she ended up overreacting and accidentally ending the relationship. Better to explain your concerns than self-destruct.
Because of this, I learned to go out of my way on first dates to let the woman know exactly how I was using online dating. I wanted to find a serious, long-term relationship but my approach to accomplishing that involved meeting a lot of women.
I learned that if I was honest up front, it helped. Now, I still had one woman overreact even after I had explained this but generally things went well from there. It felt like it would be impolite or that it could be seen a bit too much like rejection.
Again, to me, many of the problems with online activity come from applying traditional dating rules to online dating. Finally, being honest, open and considerate can help other people avoid making relationship killing mistakes as well.