The last time I really liked someone he was just so not into me and really led me on, so I get apprehensive, so I was suprised how quickly I actually fell for this other guy after just one date- it was actually more of like an hour of his company and I was sold. We get on really well- so many things I can relate to with him from family issues to world affairs- and even when we aren't talking it doesn't feel awkward, which is a huge problem I had with my ex, he make me feel uncomfortable for not saying something constantly- he made me feel uncomfortable generally in the end, is now on the 'list' of what was I thinking?
Back to the guy at current hand. However- not everything is perfect. I was actually the one to pursue him, as he works locally and I drunkenly flirted with him when he was working and I was out for a mates birthday. This continued all night with just casual flirting- you have no idea how much money I spent on drinks that night just for a reason to talk to him.
Anyway I ended up leaving that night to go to a club without his number or anything. Fast forward after a week of cringing at myself about my behaviour it wasn't that bad I'm just melodramatic a guy mate of mine dragged me back into the place and insisted I got his number. So after about 6 vodka shots I bit the bullet and it obviously worked. Fast forward another week and we were planning to go out for a drink around 8 o clock but ended up meeting eachother at like 1 in the afternoon his idea not mine and that's where it all began.
Usually on like first dates I tend to try and avoid the heavy kind of subjects but after about an hour we were talking about everything and anything. The next time I looked at the time it was about 8 o clock and we decided to go have dinner and then as it was a saturday night we ended up in a club- till about 7 in the morning, then had breakfast somewhere and ended up back at mine till about 7 o clock in the evening till he had to go to work.
No sex or anything but by this time we were acting like a couple- yno as you do after a drunken night out- longest, yet best date of my entire life and since then they continue to be like this- I'll see him about once a week but it's in long bursts and since have started sleeping together. He isn't the type to have a girlfriend apparently- which I accept and I'm not neccessarily trying to change his mind, even though I do really like him- all I want is to not be ignored so if he wants to end it- he must say not just bugger off into oblivion.
So in aid of trying to not get my feelings hurt- I believe the last time I was seeing a guy the one I spoke of previously I put way too much into it and didn't branch out enough. So now we actually come to the problem at hand. I've been dating a few other guys, like really casually but I just can't really get into it with them because I am literally sat there looking at them, wishing it were him, which I know isn't fair on anyone.
The problem is, yesterday I went out with some people I work with and one of the guys I work with has always expressed an interest in me and we will casually flirt with eachother, just to make things more interesting as well I guess. We ended up sleeping together- and we were both so drunk I actually don't remember much of it- other than I actually bolted afterwards, which I do kind of feel bad about because he is a lovely guy- just not my guy. I'm rather ashamed of myself because I never, ever, ever do things like this, I am strictly one of those people who only has sex with guys who I am in a commited relationship with.
But now I've slept with one because I like him so much and the other because I'm trying to not like the other one as much and am starting to become a person who I am not usually no offence to anyone who has casual sex, I'm not really bothered about it in a prudish way, I just don't do it usually. My issue is the guy who I really like- well we have actually never had a conversation about how exclusive it is, he kind of brings things up in conversation every now and then about how people call me his girlfriend but I just blank it because I know he's not into that, so why ruin it by having an awkward conversation.
I'm seeing him in the week and I don't know whether to just be like look do you want me to see other people or not? Because honestly honestly, even though I am falling for him, I have got it in my head that I don't really care either way and even though we are not in this 'commited relationship' and it's most likely he will just do something that hurts me, I know eventually I will get over it.
I sound like a complete cynic. Is it a good idea to just come clean with him and enquire as to what the hell he wants, if anything? I don't even know if he has been seeing other people either and to be honest I don't really want to know but on the other hand I don't want him to hear on the grape vine that such and such has happened and then wires get crossed and all this.
Oh and did I mention I actually feel incredibly guilty for sleeping with the other guy even though I'm not in a relationship and it's fair game I suppose. The short version, without all the unneccesary details that I can't help but put in: I've been seeing this guy for a few months- who I really like- but decided in my own mind to date other people as well without having an conversation with the first guy on how he feels about this.
I ended up sleeping with a guy I work with yesterday and don't really have any feelings towards him. So after this I just want to know whether now it is a good idea to just sit down the first guy and lay it all out and ask him what he thinks- baring in mind he is the most laid back non chalant relationship avoider I have ever met. Sorry for the length of the post and possible spelling errors, it's now getting onto 4.