Just follow our helpful advice. By Grant Stoddard If you find yourself on the market in your 40s, you know how daunting it can feel. Long gone are the days of countless single friends, countless single bars, and endless time on your hands. And besides, you may feel a bit rusty—even nervous! Just follow these tips right here. Let me get you up to speed.
She will be Googling. And up your text game. Some things never change: Again, your date will be Googling you.
Some people like to meet potential dates at bars or cafes. Some like a set-up orchestrated by friends. Others prefer to go looking for love—or at least fun—online via the use of a dating app.
Consequently, your body composition has probably taken a hit and your lard-to-hard ratio is not what it once was. The remedy is no great mystery: Bombfell , Stitch Fix and Trunk Club all exist because of men who feel like you do about shopping. Seeing how your date interacts with other people will give you a much more well-rounded view of the person they are. Friends and family will bring out different aspects of your partners personality and behavior. You job is to figure out how you feel about these heretofore unknown traits.
It may sound trite, but your attractiveness really does hinge on owning who you are, not who you were or indeed who you will be. A good rule of thumb is to try and post pictures taken within the past 18 months: A window of time in which you probably weighed the same amount or sported around the same amount of hair. If you really want to show your adventurous side by posting a five-year-old picture of you summiting Mount Kilimanjaro, add a caption that notes the year.
While being authentic is key, being a pill or a grouch is unlikely to have people salivating to spend an evening with you. You have to be original on dating sites or apps. Everyone is laid back and loves to travel and enjoys movies. You may be tempted to fib or lie by omission in the name of presenting yourself as a youthful, free-wheeling bon vivant. But best of all, if you want to be single, make sure you are—legally. Stow your games console, hide the gravity bong, tidy the place up, and air it out.
Start making a list of all the places that check your boxes and are also conducive to a great date. Those items might include a great atmosphere, fantastic cocktails, great food, pricing that south of outrageous, friendly service, and flattering lighting you are in your 40s, after all. Like dressing young, planning to meet up at a place with banging music and a predominantly mid-twenties crowd will definitely backfire.
A guy in his twenties or thirties can maybe get away with rolling up for a date in a patchy beard, battered Vans, and dirty t-shirt. Give yourself a hard look and see what you could polish while still feeling like your authentic self. Avoid the urge to dress younger. This is in contrast to dressing classic—albeit with a few playful little touches—which tends to do the opposite. Guide your date to sit with their back against the wall so that you are not distracted by anything else going on around you.
Or at least silence it once your date has arrived. Check it when your they use the restroom if you need to but make you stay present and engaged. Occupy extra space with your body language. If you get annoyed, she will only feel awkward. Timeless Wisdom on Being a Man. Your MO should be to focus on your date and get them to open up, not wonder how they measure up.
Researchers at the University of British Columbia found that unlike arrogance, pride can be turn on. As long as the sense of achievement you feel is genuine, your attractive display of pride will shine through. That can be attractive, but so can a little self-awareness.
Put them together and you can serve up an intoxicating combo like this: Your date will, too. Same goes for money, religion, and lifestyle.