We often have difficulty validating a quote source. If you catch an error or you have a source for the, all too common, anonymous, let us know. Please, though, give us an authoritative source or, at least, corroboration. Otherwise, we just have dozens of contradictory opinions. It is an old maxim in the schools, That flattery's the food of fools; Yet now and then your men of wit Will condescend to take a bit. When two people are under the influence of the most violent, most insane, most delusive, and most transient of passions, they are required to swear that they will remain in that excited, abnormal, and exhausting condition continuously until death do them part.
It is Ireland's sacred duty to send over, every few years, a playwright to save the English theatre from inarticulate glumness. An Irishman is lined with copper, and the beer corrodes it. But whiskey polishes the copper and is the saving of him. My number two choice would be Guinness. My number three choice would have to be Guinness. August 2, Photo Credit: Daily Mail Even if the ball was wrapped in bacon, Lassie couldn't find it.
Heard from an Irish caddie, after a particularly bad shot. When I die I want to decompose in a barrel of porter and have it served in all the pubs in Dublin. Donleavy - born April April 23, The rain drove us into the church - our refuge, our strength, our only dry place Limerick gained a reputation for piety, but we knew it was only the rain.
Claire Hegarty - Dublin I think there's a bit of the devil in everybody. There's a bit of a priest in everybody, too, but I enjoyed playing the devil more. He was more fun. Gabriel Byrne The fickleness of the women I love is only equalled by the infernal constancy of the women who love me.
George Bernard Shaw You know it's summer in Ireland when the rain gets warmer. Hal Roach Come forth, Lazarus! And he came fifth and lost the job. From Ulysses by James Joyce The majority of the members of the Irish parliament are professional politicians, in the sense that otherwise they would not be given jobs minding mice at crossroads.
People are either charming or tedious. True friends stab you in the front. Oscar Wilde The most important thing I would learn in school was that almost everything I would learn in school would be utterly useless.
What I wanted to know when I was fifteen was the best way to chat up girls. That is what I still want to know. Definition of an 'Irish fact': That which tells you not what is the case but what you want to hear. Hugh Kenner My Father had a profound influence on me, he was a lunatic. Spike Milligan Samuel Johnson once said "the Irish are a fair people, they never speak well of one another. Marriage is the same. Oscar Wilde Ireland remains a deeply religious country, with the two main denominations being "us" and "them".
In the unlikely event you are asked which group you belong to, the correct answer is: Kerry , that he only opened his mouth to change his feet. On one occasion he told his audience that "the cup of Ireland's misery has been overflowing for centuries and is not yet half full.
If not back by five, out for dinner also. They invented the three-day bank holiday weekend because you can't lump all the bad weather into just Saturday and Sunday.
Notice in a Co. Excerpted from an Irish mother's letter to her son Dublin University contains the cream of Ireland - rich and thick. Samuel Beckett Sign on a farm-house gate: Sign on an Irish gate: The farmer allows walkers across the field for free, but the bull charges.
His response to another member's appeal for some measure because it would benefit posterity? Speaker," Sir Boyle asked, "should we do anything for posterity? What has posterity done for us? Always quick with a comeback, Spike responded "No, it's all in perfect working order.
Brendan Behan "All money is tainted, tain't none of it mine. McGuire was her dad. Notice on a Cork building site: The shovels haven't arrived, and until they do, you'll have to lean on each other.
My grandmother made dying her life's work. Hugh Leonard The English should give Ireland home rule - and reserve the motion picture rights. Will Rogers An Irishman will always soften bad news, so that a major coronary is no more than 'a bad turn' and a near hurricane that leaves thousands homeless is 'good drying weather'.
Hugh Leonard A man who moralizes is usually a hypocrite, and a woman who moralizes is usually plain. Oscar Wilde There was an old fellow at Trinity Who solved the square root of infinity.
But it gave him such fidgets To count up the digits That he dropped Math and took up Divinity Sir Lewis Morris was complaining to Oscar Wilde about the neglect of his poems by the press.
Me darlin' was sweet, me darlin' was chaste Faith, an' more's the pity. For though she was sweet an'though she was chaste, She was chased all the way through the city. Anonymous Irish verse, circa Rose McGowan remembers asking Peter O'Toole if there were millions of girls chasing him around the planet after he did Lawrence of Arabia, and he said, "My dear girl, I didn't need movies to do that.
He knows nothing; and he thinks he knows everything. That points clearly to a political career. Jonathan Swift The only thing that can console one for being poor is extravagance.
Oscar Wilde Few people think more than two or three times a year; I have made an international reputation for myself by thinking once or twice a week. GB Shaw From out of the mouth of a nun in Ballyragget, Kilkenny when describing a woman in high heels: Richard Brinsley Sheridan, in honour of his birthday October 30 Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience. Mr Richard Bentley visited our site and noticed that we have incorrectly attributed the entire quote above to Oscar. The second line should actually be attributed to Samuel Johnson who either said it or wrote it years earlier!
This brings to mind an anecdote by James Whistler. He was with Oscar when the latter praised a clever turn of phrase by saying "I wish I had said that. Oscar Wilde This one came in from Penny R. Irish whiskey was first developed for its medicinal benefits. It's just lucky for the rest of us that the Irish are such a sickly bunch.
But there are advantages to being elected President. The day after I was elected, I had my high school grades classified Top Secret. That is their tragedy. When it is looked upon as vulgar, it will cease to be popular. Rome wasn't built in A. I just want to say to the authors of that study: O'Rourke A limerick packs laughs anatomical Into space that is quite economical.
But the good ones I've seen So seldom are clean And the clean ones so seldom are comical. People who have been going to Mass for so long, they actually know when to sit, kneel, and stand. Brendan Behan It's not that the Irish are cynical. It's rather that they have a wonderful lack of respect for everything and everybody. Denis of France, He never had much for to brag on. George and his lance, Who killed old heathenish dragon. The Saints of the Welshmen and Scot Are a couple of pitiful pipers, And might just as well go to pot When compared to the patron of vipers: Patrick of Ireland, my dear.
Parody attributed to William Maginn "The proper basis for marriage is mutual misunderstanding. Today, it's called golf. Place three shovels against a wall and ask him to take his pick. I'm always suspicious of games where you're the only ones that play it. Jack Charlton on hurling Tell the cook of this restaurant with my compliments that these are the very worst sandwiches in the whole world, and that, when I ask for a watercress sandwich, I do not mean a loaf with a field in the middle of it. Oscar Wilde The trouble with her is that she lacks the power of conversation but not the power of speech.
George Bernard Shaw Before undergoing bypass surgery, descendant of Irish emigrants and former President Bill Clinton was quoted as saying from his hospital bed: