First of all I would like to say that losing anyone close to you is a nightmare, especially when they have left small children behind. I do understand that my partner has had a hard road and has his own grief to cope with. This question is from my own point of view. I met him months after his wife died 13 months ago, he was on a dating web site and looking for a partner. We hit it off, we got on really well, found we had a lot in common and being together made us both happy.
I was so naive, I had no idea of the extent of his grief and maybe if I had known I would have run. My children are young, three under 7, he has two around the same age as my older 2. I really have to think of all our kids too, what is best for them. OK, apart from everything else, this issue has come to light and it is not one I am happy about at all.
His ex-partner I know, what an awful word, his dead partner sounds worse though family is having a party for a distant uncles 50th. They invited him weeks ago, he told me about it and we made plans to go.
However, just a week before it is about to happen, he finally told them he was bringing me, they said they didn't think that would be a good idea. None of her immediate family will be there, her parents are dead and he is completely estranged from her siblings.
These are distant relatives. However because he is estranged from her family, the others feel that if I am there other distant family members will be offended and they might say somehting nasty and overshadow the uncle's birthday celebrations. I said that's fine, I guess you won't be going then? A couple of months ago I was invited to a wedding in another country, he wasn't. I made the decision not to go as I felt that he should have been invited and given as much importance as my ex-husband would have been.
I explained this to the bride and she said she understood but space was limited. We didn't argue, I just explained I wouldn't be coming as she had excluded my partner. But he is going to his party, and he doesn't understand why I have a problem with this. His house is a SHRINE to her, many photos, her clothes still in the drawers and wardrobe, her cosmetics still in the bathroom.
The last outfit she wore still in the clothes hamper in the bathroom. THere is one tiny photo of me in that house, and I have voiced my unhappiness about it. He says the photos are for his children, whom he does not want to forget about their mother. I agree that the children should not forget their Mum, and do not want him to remove anything unless he wants to. But as his girlfriend of over a year, I think that when I walk out of his house there should be some sign in there that I am important to him.
He tells me he loves me constantly, and how his life has changed in so many positive ways since we met, and that he wants to be with me. But I feel he is living 2 lives and although I have told him this he has changed nothing. I am very tired and frustrated. I want to know what others would do in my situation. Please help and thanks in advance.