You may be dealing with codependency! Codependent relationships are not exclusive to people who are seeing each other. It can also happen between family members, friends, roommates or even coworkers. Check out the other relationship types you may have ] There are two people in a codependent relationship. The enabler, on the other hand, allows the dependent person to continue his or her behavior because they believe that this is the only way to keep their partner from breaking down. What happens in a codependent relationship?
Many codependent relationships are rarely acknowledged because society has allowed us to think that some things are expected in every relationship. The clinginess and the prerequisite attention are only two of those. When a person has been in a relationship for a very long time, they fail to realize that these aspects need to slowly dissolve in order for both people to grow. At some point, couples need to re-establish their individuality.
This is supposed to happen after the honeymoon phase. For codependent relationships, it almost always never happens. Because the codependency is not recognized, couples tend to push through thinking that the situation is supposed to be that way. Simply breaking up, however, is nearly impossible for these couples since they unhealthily rely on each other.
The most effective course of action in this case would be to consult a professional. Why do couples become codependent? A person becomes codependent because of a recurring pattern in their life. Most people who become codependent have been in unfulfilling situations like a dysfunctional family, a deteriorating career or a past bad relationship.
The dependent party… Because they failed to achieve some level of accomplishment or achievement in maintaining these past relationships and situations, they become emotional, clingy and dependent.
They start to feel that only their partner can fill in the void left by their negative past experiences. Is your past holding you back? They see their partner as their beacon of hope or even their savior. They would then place their partners at the center of their world. The enabler… The enabler has a sense of duty towards his or her partner.
When these needs are not met, they can develop a disturbing attitude of frustration towards both their partner and themselves. This frustration towards their partner stems from the fact that their partner is too dependent and too demanding, and yet impossible to refuse. The frustration towards themselves, on the other hand, comes from a sense that they have failed in their primary duty of providing what their partner needs. Signs that you are in a codependent relationship with a needy partner The simple signs are obvious once you acknowledge them.
There may be times when you spot these signs in your relationship only during certain circumstances such as a stressful phase in your lives or an adjustment period for recent life changes. A dependent partner will assume that they cannot function in public without their lover.
They feel safer, more confident and more at ease only when they have their partner in tow. The worst fear of a dependent partner is losing their enabler. They could very well be meeting the President or going to the moon, but they would be very unhappy unless their partner was with them. Barring extreme examples like those two, they cannot develop their own personal hobbies that satisfy them unless their partner does it too. Anything you say is the word of law to your dependent partner.
They say yes to anything you say, even if this goes against what they used to believe in before they met you. If they fail to do this, they will consider themselves a failure and take it out on their dependent partner for asking them for anything in the first place.
You want to change your partner for the better. However, you may be giving off mixed signals since you might alternate between pushing them to be their better selves and allowing them to still count on you for everything. No matter how trivial the situation is, you allow yourself to shut out the world just so you can help your partner.
Are you giving up too much of yourself for your partner? They may be torn between getting what they want and getting your approval, but they will always rely on you to tip the scales in favor of whatever makes you happy. Being constantly at the beck and call of your partner can eventually take its toll on your mind and body.
When it does, it can only lead to feelings of resentment, anger and even regret. What other toxic relationships should you look out for? Once you accept that your relationship is unhealthy for both of you, you can then start looking into options that may help you deal with your situation.
Liked what you just read? I can neither do nor teach as well as others, but I can try. Aside from being a writer, I am also a physical therapist.
Follow Danielle on Facebook.