Share this article Share Missing this golden window to show your love and commitment to each other is not an uncommon phenomenon. Take the actress Calista Flockhart, who recently wed Harrison Ford after an eight-year courtship. I'm sure the smile on her face on her wedding day showed she feels it's been worth the wait and, like any bride, she must have been fizzing with excitement. But at the risk of appearing a killjoy, I have to say I feel worried for her.
Let's face it, her bridegroom has not exactly come crashing in through the undergrowth like, well, Indiana Jones, has he? In fact, his progress to the altar has the speed of an elderly snail. And while three-times-married Ford, 67, may love Flockhart, 45, this delay doesn't bode well for the couple's future. So, what has been making Ford, who has four children from his previous marriages, drag his feet for so long?
Has she crossed every hurdle in his mind? Or has she simply worn him down by sheer persistence? I have met many men and women who have missed the golden window of opportunity and are now picking up the pieces. Many women waste precious time on a doomed relationship then, in their late 30s, find themselves desperate for a baby and looking for a new partner Tragically, many women waste precious time on a relationship that has led nowhere and, in their late 30s or early 40s, find themselves desperate for a baby and looking for a new partner.
Others put all the pressure they can muster on their man, have the wedding of their dreams and then find it turn to ashes because they haven't addressed the underlying problems that kept them from the altar in the first place. If your partner is dragging his feet, I suspect it's down to one of the following reasons.
But he views the relationship purely as one of convenience. He loves you, the sex is fantastic and you offer him all the security he needs. But it's only for the time being. He doesn't want to commit. You might be able to win him over, but you'll always know it wasn't his choice. That's exactly what happened to Emma, a GP.
She and James met when she was fresh out of medical school. But after four years, James still hadn't proposed. So Emma started dropping hints. Instead, she set up scenarios to set the scene for a proposal.
She arranged a romantic picnic on the riverbank, a trip to the ballet, and a weekend in Paris. Putting his heart and soul into the business, he saw his relationship with Emma as convenient and fun. But because he was afraid of losing her, he finally took the bait and proposed. After eight years, Harrison Ford finally married Calista Flockhart earlier this year They'd been together seven years and Emma, then 34, was ecstatic.
With the ring on her finger, she wanted to start a family. It was too much for James, In hindsight, she wishes she'd asked James sooner what his intentions were. It's often down to insecurity. Your partner may fear that while you say you love him warts and all, you haven't actually seen just how ugly those warts are.
And if you knew, you'd run away. Or he might have been scarred by his parents' divorce and fears history repeating itself. Anthony, a year-old financial adviser, saw his parents split up when he was a child and vowed he'd never marry. But his girlfriend, Hannah, 32, a marketing director, had spent her life dreaming of a white wedding. Her parents were happily married. It's what she wanted and she made no secret of it. Anthony was equally upfront that he'd never wed, but as the years passed and Hannah saw all her friends getting married, she became desperate.
They'd been together five years when Hannah gave Anthony an ultimatum. Marry me or leave. Terrified of losing her, Anthony proposed.
But as they said their vows, Hannah looked into his eyes and could read the reluctance. But I wasn't happy and neither was he. They couldn't get past the resentment they both felt. They need cast-iron proof it's for the best before they'll change job, move house and certainly before they'll get married. Barbara is in this position. She has been with Paul for four years and he is using one excuse after another not to get married. But, aged 34, Barbara wants a family and she deserves to know how committed Paul is.
The only way she'll find out is by asking him to be honest. They've been there, done that, worn the T-shirt. Why go through it all again? Harry, 54, a businessman with a grown child, thought he was too old to marry a second time. But Amanda, 41, still felt young enough to have a white wedding.
She had two children from a previous marriage and felt, for their sakes too, she should be in a committed relationship. Harry delayed for five years but last summer he proposed. The wedding was everything Amanda had wanted, but very expensive.
And it's a fact Harry refuses to let her forget. So he's bitter that we spent so much money on the wedding. Why should he be counting the cost of doing the right thing? Take the case of Tanya, 31, a graphic designer. An adopted only child, she has always been independent and self-sufficient. She and Liam, a teacher, have been together six years. However, at 40 Liam would like to start a family and can't understand why Tanya is dragging her feet about marriage when she says she loves him.
They have to be honest with each other before it's too late. So, while I wish Ford and Flockhart luck, I hope they have been honest with each other about what's been keeping them from the altar these past eight years.
Didn't get him up the aisle within three years? Your marriage could well be doomed, says this relationship expert Most watched News videos.