Get To Know A Potential Partner Have you ever been with someone who seemed ideal in the beginning of your relationship and then later—sometimes much later—you realized were definitely not meant to be together?
Several years ago I was in a long-term relationship with a woman I was convinced was my soul mate. On paper, we were the perfect match.
But as time passed, I noticed some pretty serious incompatibilities in our personalities. Whereas I was Type A and needed to hit the ground running in the morning, she preferred to ease into her day.
That meant that, quite often, I found myself waiting impatiently. I swear the more impatient I became, the slower she moved. I deferred to her. My resentments piled up. In the end, our fundamental incompatibilities eclipsed the awesomeness and we broke up.
Our families influence how we handle conflict, communication, and gender roles. Attitudes include everything from how a person differentiates right from wrong to how much empathy a potential partner has. This is where those likes and dislikes, goals and values and questions of extraversion vs. Early on in a relationship, you may be inclined to overlook some pretty serious incompatibilities.
No matter how great the sex is, no matter how attractive this person is, consider not throwing out your core values and personality traits just to suit them.
Examples of Previous Patterns: Proceed at your own risk Skills for Relationships: Good communication skills and the way you handle conflict are an excellent indicator of how you will fare as a couple. With those university-researched components in mind, I set about devising a questionnaire to determine my compatibility with a date.
Are you girlfriend material? Start by saying that entering into any relationship is not to be taken lightly. And you could say that you learned these questions from a friend who has studied relationships for a long time true! Of course, if someone has a pattern of dishonesty, they may not answer this question truthfully. If possible, follow up with an ex or talk to their friends—hopefully they are one and the same; the ability to maintain friendships with past lovers is a sign of integrity and maturity in relationships.
Do people roll their eyes whenever their past relationships are mentioned? Listen closely to the answer. Sexual incompatibility is one of the main culprits behind both infidelity and breakups. Depending on your circumstances, you just might. Would this person make a good co-parent? Think ahead, and think what qualities you hope a parent would possess. Then, see how this person stacks up.
This is not a prime-time interview with a presidential candidate. These are questions to stimulate a conversation, not play gotcha. Or ask in other ways: Truly listen to their response and let the conversation go from there. Also, be prepared to answer these questions yourself. Share your background, thoughts, and philosophies honestly.