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Terrified of dating after divorce

Terrified of dating after divorce

PIN When I threw on that puffy white dress and marched myself down the aisle to say my "I do's" to my husband, I meant every word. Including the "'til death do us part" bit. I just knew it.

Advertisement "Irreconcilable differences," the court called it. I called it "we just didn't work any more. I moved out in October of last year, a dismal end to an otherwise okay union. We both agreed it was best, although I know we both struggled. And oh how we struggled to start over again. I'd hit the point, post-divorce, where everyone from the mailman to the guy at Starbucks was asking when I'd be ready to date again.

I never knew the answer to that question. I'd not considered dating in more than 10 years, so the prospect of being intimate and vulnerable with someone I didn't yet know seemed daunting, to say the least. And then I met him. A random event strung into another random event, and something clicked.

I'd just begun learning to live on my own, to begin my life again, and here was this guy -- this great guy -- and, well, I went into a tizzy of self-doubt and fear for about a month.

He knew I had kids. He knew I was in the process of divorcing. He was even my age -- someone I could respect. And then one night, long after a movie had ended and we'd sat together on the couch simply chatting, he said the words, "I know we're both in the middle of our own stuff right now, and I know that dating is probably the last thing on your mind, but I'll be right here. And I took a leap of faith. Today, we're not just dating.

We're in a relationship. And we're about to move in together. I'm glad I faced my fears and took the chance. Because he's worth it. And so am I.

What advice would you give to someone who has to start all over? Have you ever been in that position?

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Terrified of dating after divorce

PIN When I threw on that puffy white dress and marched myself down the aisle to say my "I do's" to my husband, I meant every word. Including the "'til death do us part" bit. I just knew it. Advertisement "Irreconcilable differences," the court called it. I called it "we just didn't work any more. I moved out in October of last year, a dismal end to an otherwise okay union.

We both agreed it was best, although I know we both struggled. And oh how we struggled to start over again. I'd hit the point, post-divorce, where everyone from the mailman to the guy at Starbucks was asking when I'd be ready to date again. I never knew the answer to that question.

I'd not considered dating in more than 10 years, so the prospect of being intimate and vulnerable with someone I didn't yet know seemed daunting, to say the least.

And then I met him. A random event strung into another random event, and something clicked. I'd just begun learning to live on my own, to begin my life again, and here was this guy -- this great guy -- and, well, I went into a tizzy of self-doubt and fear for about a month. He knew I had kids. He knew I was in the process of divorcing. He was even my age -- someone I could respect. And then one night, long after a movie had ended and we'd sat together on the couch simply chatting, he said the words, "I know we're both in the middle of our own stuff right now, and I know that dating is probably the last thing on your mind, but I'll be right here.

And I took a leap of faith. Today, we're not just dating. We're in a relationship. And we're about to move in together. I'm glad I faced my fears and took the chance.

Because he's worth it. And so am I. What advice would you give to someone who has to start all over? Have you ever been in that position?

Terrified of dating after divorce

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5 Comments

  1. The idea is to give a snapshot of your personality, tastes, and interests without oversharing. Summary Reentering the dating scene is a wonderful opportunity to set yourself free from the childhood emotional demons that haunt our adult relationships. Sensual caresses in the shower, the tub, and especially in front of the mirror, will help you release your pain.

  2. Whether conscious of it or not, divorce leaves most people scared of getting burned again.

  3. Be wary of prolonged email exchanges and never-ending phone calls and meet in person asap. He was even my age -- someone I could respect.

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