Dear Friend, Confidence is the number one concern for every guy I've ever met. Women want it from us, and guys spend most of their lives working on feeling it and showing it. And when you don't feel confident, your life just doesn't feel right. Have you ever felt: I know I have, and it's not a fun way to live And the worst part of this feeling is that NO ONE in your life ever sat you down and explained just how confidence really works, did they?
You never got a book from your parents on "how to be confident and more sure of yourself. And a lot more error. First, let me ask you this: Have you ever messed things up with a woman you really liked? Have you ever approached a woman, only to have her not respond to you at all? Did you ever feel like you were invisible to women? Have you ever had a girlfriend you adored, but your level of insecurity and low self-confidence seemed to doom you to the same outcome - certain breakup?
Have you ever walked up to talk to a woman and had her start out smiling and interested, but she gradually seemed to lose interest, eventually turning back to her friends and ignoring you until you walked away? Have you ever lost your emotional cool around a woman, only to feel out of control around her, and then she lost interest and attraction in you because you couldn't stay relaxed?
Have you ever felt like your jealousy takes control over your head and your heart, even when the woman you liked wasn't even dating you yet? Have you ever been out with a group of friends, and you felt compelled to try to be the "life of the party," because you thought the "alpha" of the group had to be the loudest, the funniest, and the one with the coolest banter? Have you ever felt like you were 'possessed' to pick up the phone, or tell a woman your feelings, or "share your emotions" with her, only to find out that you scared her away with your gesture?
It was like you knew with your brain that you should stay in control, but your emotions completely took control of you Have you ever been in a social situation where you felt like you couldn't keep up with the conversation, or really "hang in there" and be very fun, mostly because you were too busy watching your own behavior - trying NOT to screw things up or say the wrong thing? If you've ever had ANY of these things happen to you, you know that your level of "inner game" - or your self-confidence and "emotional intelligence" - was the one thing you wish you had more of.
If you could just control your fear and your anxieties, all those crazy emotions that make us do things that don't even feel like us, you know that you could improve your success ratio with women. I know how shaky I used to feel with women, and knowing it was my inner confidence holding me back. And the worst part of this for me was knowing that - not only was it ME doing this to myself - but the fact that I think that every guy has had that feeling - almost like being possessed - where you just can't seem to control your emotions, or your own behavior.
This was one of my biggest challenges. I had a bad temper, and I could barely control myself when I was around an attractive girl. I would start acting up - just like a little bratty kid. And then I went on this massive inner game "quest" I guess you could call it. I wanted to figure out how to get control of my confidence, my emotions, and my crazy mind.
What is Inner Game? Well, it's a pretty fancy term for some of our most important traits as a man. Inner Game includes things like: Self-confidence - Being cool, not needy, and self-reliant Controlling your fears and emotions - Not losing control and becoming a train wreck when you are put in situations that are unfamiliar or charged Control of your thinking - Not getting caught in your head and stuck in your own thinking Having inner awareness and self-control Getting rid of anxiety and nervousness - Feeling relaxed and calm in any social situation Having good social skills Self-esteem - Feeling good about yourself and liking yourself Being able to handle criticism and the negative opinions of others Not needing their approval all the time Inner Game can also mean many more things to you.
Here are some of the different definitions that guys have told me over the years: Knowing that a woman has certain expectations of you that you need to live up to Being relaxed and natural with women, and not having to "fake it to make it" all the time Knowing you've "got the goods" when it comes to having value to give to a woman - in conversation, as well as in your lifestyle Not feeling awkward around women or in social situations Keeping conversations with women interesting and going where you want them to go - without ending up as another shoulder to cry on Getting past your flaws and frustrations once and for all Being able to take the risks you always wanted to Managing the peaks and valleys of your confidence level as it goes up and down Making things you've already learned about women and all the pieces fall into place quicker Not feeling disappointed by women and relationships from the past Bouncing back from failures and rejections Staying true to yourself and your identity - not compromising your values and morals just to get women or get ahead in life Overcoming your own internal conflicts Awareness and knowing yourself inside and out Having a strong grip on your own reality - and not getting caught off guard, no matter what comes your way!
Being the dominant ALPHA of the group instead of the guy who can't get a word in edgewise in the conversation Stop being so attached to the outcome and just be present-moment focused, having fun and staying out of your head Knowing that whatever happens in life, you will prevail and come out on top!
If you don't have the confidence and psychology mastered in advance, you probably won't even get past the approach - IF you even approach her at all. And sometimes that knowledge will be enough to give guys approach anxiety right away.
Just imagine what you could do if you knew you wouldn't be shaken up or rattled by a beautiful woman's attitude What do you need to feel in order to get your "Inner Game" handled?
Ultimately, it really boils down to a feeling of control over your own life. You don't want to feel like other people control your success with women. And you sure as hell don't want to feel like you can't control your own success with women. Let me ask you something You ever try using a line on a woman and have it fall flat - like, dead embarrassing silence flat on its face? I coach and talk to guys every day that learn a lot of techniques and "lines" to use on women, but they don't seem to work for them.
Why don't techniques and routines work? Usually because of the level of self-esteem and self confidence of the guy using them. And, in reality, just by using another guy's lines and words, you're sending a subtle message to your self-esteem that the only thing you can do to attract women is NOT be yourself.
And that doesn't increase a guy's inner game. You do need them. And that's why I teach those, too. I know a lot of guys that would tell you that you don't need techniques - that if you have the inner game confidence, then your outer game is automatic. Well, that's not always true. I'm sure you've felt confidence walking up to a woman and found that your tongue was tied and your head got all foggy the second you tried to say something.
And I bet it killed your confidence quick, too, didn't it? So, yes, you absolutely need the techniques and conversational strategies that I teach. BUT the fact is that you simply cannot run completely on "Outer Game" scripts either - on techniques and routines - all by themselves.
Otherwise you end up with game that looks like this: This is what you don't want See that small area where "inner game" and "outer game" intersect? That's weak, wussy game that women can detect a mile away. And thanks to television shows and "pickup artist" stuff, women know all about the routines and openers you use. That gray outer game bubble is weak and tiny because you're forced to "fake" a lot more than you should have to.
And it doesn't take much to pop that bubble. Now, just imagine what would happen when your Inner Game and your Outer Game are complete and congruent. Your game would look like THIS: And let's face it, no one ever explains to you how your mind works - or teaches you how to control and manage your emotions and thoughts.
I went through all 12 grades of regular school, and another 6 years of college, and I never once did a teacher tell me how to be more confident. Especially when I was just a young boy and I needed it the most!
We're supposed to just "figure it out" all on our own. It's like looking for a needle in a haystack - of needles! Let Me Tell You a Story