A lot of the information on the internet about overcoming shyness around girls is just plain wrong. Eventually I realized most of the people typing this stuff up had never been shy around girls themselves, they had just thrown up a webpage to make some quick money. This post is for the guys who feel really anxious, scared and inhibited around girls. If you get a strong physical feeling of anxiety when you think of talking to a girl you like, or you feel a powerful, paralyzing hesitation when you want to approach or ask out a girl, then this post is for you.
Overcoming inferiority, not being too invested, and becoming assertiveness. This post is going to go into more depth than anything else out there. Bookmark this page now so you can come back to it again and again. Let me illustrate this with an example. Fat Girl Syndrome Imagine a fat or unattractive girl who you know. Do you feel any anxiety or nervousness around her?
And if you do, it will still be far less than around the girl you are attracted to. Are you more relaxed and casual around them? Do you talk to them the same way you would talk to a guy friend? Why does this happen? Why are you only shy around certain girls? This happens when you place so much value on looks that a good looking girl becomes intimidating. The solution is, of course, to stop placing so much value on looks.
Treat an attractive girl in the same casual, natural way you would treat a guy friend or unattractive girl. David Urbanke I remember back when I was very shy around girls, I would start to really like a girl and start to fantasize about our future together… without ever really having talked to her!
In hindsight, it seems so foolish, yet so many shy guys do it. They become infatuated with a girl just based on how she looks from a distance. Do not put the girl on a pedestal before you even know her.
Treat her as an equal human being, not a goddess. Realize that how someone looks does not dictate how valuable they are. Being good looking is more about luck in getting the right genes than anything else.
Would you think that a lottery winner was superior to you? Being Less Experienced Another way of feeling inferior is thinking that being less experienced than the girl with relationships will immediately make you repulsive to her. I thought that if the girl realized from the way I acted that I was romantically or sexually inexperienced, then that meant she would just get up and leave automatically.
The truth is, by having an attitude of feeling undeserving of more experienced girls, then you are only sabotaging yourself. If you have grown up somewhat shy and socially awkward, then it will be almost inevitable that most girls will be more experienced than you. The fact that you are less experienced than average does not mean girls do not like you. It just means that you have some catching up to do because of your shyness or social anxiety.
You just started later than everyone else. The less valuable you think you are compared to someone, the more shy you will feel around them. Inferiority makes you feel not entitled to be confident and express your personality. Many shy people have a constant stream of thoughts that point out what a loser they are. Confidence and personality are more attractive than physical appearance to most girls.
All the good looking girls are around the confident, popular, charismatic guys. Looks matter much more to guys than girls. So the most important thing is to cut out any thoughts that sabotage your confidence or make you inhibited. This means to notice when you are having self-defeating thought patterns and stop them in their tracks.
Any thought that makes you think you are less valuable will only sabotage your progress in becoming less shy around girls. Stop The Unrealistic Fantasies Do you find yourself picking out one girl that you like and then thinking for hours about what it would be like to date her and have a relationship with her?
Maybe the girl showed you a little bit of interest. Maybe you just talked to her once for a couple minutes. If you are constantly fixated on one girl at a time and playing out fantasies in your head about what it would be like to date her, then you are again sabotaging yourself.
What do you think happens when you decide you want to finally go talk to the girl in real life? Millzero Photography Meanwhile, the girl may not even be aware that you even exist. All the thinking makes you unable to approach her and talk to her casually. And even if you do, the way you behave around her still communicates to her that you would be totally crushed if she was to disapprove of you in any way or reject you.
The problem is, you became too emotionally invested in the girl before she had done anything to earn your attention. You put so much time and effort thinking about her that her rejection of you would ruin your fantasyland image of you two together. They may start fantasizing about the girl like I said above. They may go out of their way to pass her in the hallway. They may even stalk her photos on Facebook.
For any girls reading this: Yes, guys are creepy. The key to avoiding this issue is to talk to girls without having a hidden agenda to make her your one true love. The reason why is that people tend to put out their best parts for the world to see. That girl you think is perfect may be annoying to hang out with, she may be needy, she may be insecure despite being beautiful, she may be completely unintelligent, or she may be into the celebrity gossip shows you hate.
There are plenty of cute girls out there. Many of those are as cute as the one you are obsessed about … and they have a personality you will like spending time with! This will just make you nervous to ever talk to her again. Instead, keep it casual and see where it goes.
Guys who have little relationship experience tend to be naive and think that most relationships develop like a romantic movie from Hollywood. Two lovers fall into each others arm when they first see each other. The reality is much different. Long-term relationships develop over time and are always a work-in-progress.
Be Assertive One way to stop being so invested in one particular girl is to have many options instead of one. The best way to do this is to talk to many women on a weekly or daily basis.
If you only talk to one new girl a month, then it will be hard not to think about her. Maybe you think that the best strategy to get a girlfriend is to wait for the right circumstances. The harsh reality is that you are going to have to work and learn to cope with your nervousness if you want to have a girlfriend. The universe will not deliver one to you. Sure, you may get lucky a couple times where a girl puts in much of the work to get to know you, asks you out, and makes all the moves.
Learn to accept it and live with it. Going after a girl you want involves risking rejection every step of the way. How do you overcome this fear of rejection? The more you do it, the less effort it takes. When you try to go for the kiss with a girl for the first time, or you want to walk up and talk to a girl, you will probably hesitate a little. Instead, you need to act more upon that first impulse.
That first impulse is your best shot at actually doing it. All the thinking that happens later only serves to talk you out of acting on that impulse. If a girl rejects your attempt at a kiss, then all you have to do is smile and keep talking to her normally. Then go for it again ten minutes later.
There are literally billions of girls out there, just try a different one. Conclusion I hope these tips help you to get over your shyness around girls.
Much of this information was a turning point for me going from a hopeless guy with extreme shyness and social awkwardness to someone who has overcome shyness and has decent social skills. If you enjoyed this post, then I have some good news. These emails are going to go more in-depth about where to meet girls, what to say to make them attracted, how to get sexual with girls, and so on.
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