Jeri May 10, I feel your pain. My ex got married on our anniversary and sent me a picture. That is just one of many many mean things he did to somehow make me pay further even tho he was the one who walked out! I got lots of photes of several vacations he went on with the previous girlfriend the one prior to his wife.
I then divorced him. He wanted to meet me in Hawaii. Then I did not hear anything for a couple of months. This was in But it also took that long to legally fight him on an undisclosed asset that he had lied about and I was stuck on not letting him get away with it after the hell he had put me through.
Make the break clean and go no contact if you want to recover. Narcs pull such scary behavior it does a terrible toll. He bullied me and I was afraid. Lots of reasons like all of us on here. This started with alcoholic narcissistic parents.
I went no contact with my mother 1. Good luck to all of you. Try not to get involved with a man until you are recovered tho. Know your baoundaries and keep them. As Melanie points out — we are more likely to run into this again — we were primed for it as children, most of us. I swear there were times I just wanted to die. I could not eat and lost way too much weight etc etc.
You know how horrific it is. I was not married and had no kids. We all know how that goes with a Narcissist!!!! I tried and I will spare you the details of her reaction. This is where my problemms started. Please spare yourself and your kids. By the way — I am I tried taditional therapy as I said. There would have been lots of time and a different outcome had NARP been there for me. Think long and and hard girls — save your money and work the NARP program.
I hope this makes a difference for even one young lady and her children. Please pray about it. My story is lengthy. I married on a quaint island in Grand Cayman 11 yrs ago. I married who I thought was the man of my dreams that summer day in August beachside.
We had already had one child out of wedlock with medical disabilities and felt this was the right thing to do. After we consummated our honeymoon a few months later I learned I was pregnant with our 2nd child and then subsequently the third soon followed, each high risk sections, each with problems, and unfortunately my ex narc husband showed up just long enough to say high and bye in the hospital.
As the marriage went on, I felt like I was married and he was single. On our honeymoon, instead of it being romantic he left and went running or so he claimed not spending time with me or our son. I later found him near a pool lounging by other woman. The hole you mentioned is the hold I noticed with him. I started to get calls on our childrens birthdays from girls claiming to be involved with my ex, strange calls at night claiming he had late night dinner work meetings.
Finances were a mess, late bills, nonpayments, and of course as stay home mom of 3 for 13 yrs I was dependent upon him for everything.
He used this to his advantage, getting me to beg for money just to feed our kids with his allotted allowance. Keep in mind the reason we managed to stay together for 11 yrs was due in large part to him living five states away and only weekend visits. Eventually we began to argue over the regular relationship type things but I noticed with him it was different. Instead of discussing them he would walk away and make you speak to his backside as he freely roamed from room to room.
As time went on I felt like a prisoner in my own home, used, abused in every form physical, emotional, verbal , psych, and financial. He controlled every aspect of our lives. He became abusive when I learned of the deepest secrets he was hiding. It was no longer just triangulation, gaslighting, it progressed to physical violence. I immediately filed for protection then support, took my kids and went to my parents home.
This time it was real as he shoved me up against a plaster wall cracking the concrete after I asked him why I found evidence of items on our computer search history indicating he was having affairs again..
The discard and devalue was something no one could have explained. I was left after 11 yrs with 3 kids one med disabled ,no money, nothing in savings, living off of credit cards secured using his income, no job, no home yes he took our home nothing but the clothes on our back. I moved in with family temporarily and applied for assistance. I lived two yrs off of credit cards while he moved on to the honeymoon phase with the new supply.
I was devastated to say the least. The pain was unbearable. The courts and attorneys were more hurtful to us then the narc. As I learned the judge prolonged hearings giving him time to hide in the woods to prevent payment. The master judge gave him time to show up for court hearings, that were scheduled months in advance. I never signed one tax document in the entire marriage nor ever seen a bill. I had to rebuild my life from the bottom. So I did what I knew to do, after volunteering the past 13 yrs I increased my volunteer hours with nonprofits in hopes of being recognized.
I re connected on linked in and other social sites such as twitter and facebook to increase my base and network. I did what I new how to do best. I was taken back by your statement of how your ex was a millionaire. Because mine was the same.
He lived in a material world, and lived the lifestyle of the rich and famous in Washington dc where he resided. That was my first validation. I lived like you in a two bedroom home with my family of four. I had no room for myself, slept on pull out sofa in parlor. Yet I was happier on public assistance than when I was married with him bringing in over gs a year.
I learned during volunteering that many were happy with less, and when I felt alone or depressed I began to think of those less fortunate and counted my blessings.
I did more in the last 4 yrs career and goal oriented wise that I never dreamt possible. To live your true self is a blessing. Thank you for allowing me to express my feelings on this matter and thank you for telling your story. I congratulate you on your success and hope someday to have the same. However, we can, and will for the better.
It seems like my X narc is really happy with in his new life. But I remember many times when he would call me in the morning tormented, anxiety ridden and sorrowful.
He would pop a Xanax and go drinking while cheating on me. As devastating as it was in the beginning, life is a million times better. I have my faith in Jesus which has been the best thing EVER to help get through the excruciating times. Interestingly, in the bible, Palms 73 it describes narcissists and what later happens to these wicked human beings. We cannot believe these individuals are happy in any way. Jennifer May 17, This is a great article.
This is exactly what it feels like to be a narcissist. My existence, most definitely, does not feel pleasant. People that casually know me, would have no clue. I can certainly put on a good show. I am never going to get my head straight, not after her hacking my phone, stalking me, recording me, and I never got a call from her when I was needing her. But when someone else came to me, she changed her mind about me.
My life is not a good time, and still have no private time Wendy July 12, This article has truly helped me put things in perspective. Only this week I started to feel like this all because I heard my ex has a woman with three kids. He got himself an instant family. Whereas I have no children and no job.