Email Internet dating has become an extremely popular way to meet people, and has indeed brought a lot of lonely folks together. But not every date turns out like an eHarmony ad. So in observance of Valentine's Day, we consulted readers, friends, a few experts, and a number of sites notably Craigslist Personals to gather the funniest, strangest, and most horrific online dating stories we could find.
Lonely people, broken hearts, false claims, dashed expectations, doctored photos, bailouts, and no-shows--it's all part of the online dating experience, and we unearthed a little of everything. Online dating can produce some of the worst dates ever. The last guy I went out with brought a sock puppet--a sock puppet--on our date and tried to talk to me with it. To be cute, I think. But it freaked me out. Maybe I'm old-fashioned, but no sock puppets, please. The old mid-date disappearing act has taken on a whole new utility in the age of Internet dating.
I get an ad from a guy roughly my age who has a hot bike, and some pics showing he's fairly attractive. We e-mail back and forth a bit, he says he's definitely looking for the same thing, and finally we agree to meet at a coffee shop.
The only thing I recognized was the bike. He resembled his pics the way Stuart Little resembles Mickey Mouse. His teeth were black, absolutely disgusting, and he had a cyst beside his left eye. He had to be 10 to 15 years older than me Not only that, but I got the distinct impression that he personally knew where a few bodies were buried. I couldn't help it. Then I couldn't look at him at all. I flipped the pages of the magazine I had brought in case of a no-show and glanced at him periodically, wondering how the [expletive removed] was I going to extricate myself from this.
So he says he's going to get a coffee. That was his first mistake. Leaving my coffee and magazine, and barely taking time to snatch up my purse, I put my cell phone to my ear like I had just received an emergency call and literally hauled ass down the street to my car before he came back out.
Karma says I am going to pay for that. Caroline Presno, dating expert and author of Profiling Your Date: A Smart Woman's Guide to Evaluating a Man, says online daters are sometimes perceived as unable to meet people the old-fashioned way, and so are somehow "damaged goods.
An attractive, year-old female teacher was really looking forward to her first meeting with an attorney she had been e-mailing for a while.
But on the date, before the waitress even brought the water, the guy said, "So let's get down to it, what's wrong with you? But, she says, she had to kiss a few frogs before finally finding her prince. On some online dating sites, Hitchcock says, if a member wants to express attraction for another member after reading their profile, but without going to the extreme of sending them an e-mail, they can send an electronic "wink.
Of those, at least half were winks. But the opposite is often the case. That same anonymity seems to give some men a license to be rude perverts. The Web site of the U. The Embassy responds that this minx from Minsk isn't required to "show" one cent to travel. I think I have been scammed. How do I get my money back? For some longtime Internet daters, the names, facts, faces, and interests of responders to their profiles begin to run together.
And the limited creativity of many dating-site members doesn't help matters. You're pissing me off. First of all, your screen name. Stop putting "sassy" into your screen name. Stop putting "citygirl" into your screen name. When registering, if you tried to use "cubfan" as your screen name and it came back telling you that you'd have to settle for "cubfan," that should have been your first clue that you have picked a disgustingly unoriginal name.
You are not clever enough to think of something good, therefore you should not expect to be coupled with someone who is.
Speaking of Cub fans, stop saying you love sports and that you "act just like a guy. Here's one from her Craigslist post: Getting together for date 1 was an Act of Congress; he went on and on about the train schedules. Then he cancelled out on date 2. He led me to believe that he lived someplace close in Jersey like Hoboken; turns out he was in Jersey alright People of all shapes, sizes, and socioeconomic backgrounds are looking for love online.
Here's a post-date tale from "anonymous" at Internetdatingtales. I am 40 to 50 pounds overweight, but I was honest about it. This man was 5-feet-9 and weighed in probably about pounds. But okay, my idea of a bit [overweight] and his idea of a bit may vary. So I wave at him and over he comes.
I felt bad that I had sat outside, because even though it was a mild day and there was an umbrella, he was soon sweating like a donkey. And the charm, wit, and humor he had on the phone was He mumbled and fidgeted, but kept looking at me like I was a glass of water and he was on the tail end of a long walk through the desert.
So I did it. I am so ashamed of myself, but in retrospect, what else could I do? I was sure every other blind date had coldly dumped him. And I knew he was a nice guy, just not the guy for me.
I deliberately set out to gross him out. I started to laugh too loud at the unfunny things he said. And then, and I can barely type this, I actually put my hand in my armpit, pulled it out, and sniffed it. Here's my own actually my only interesting online dating experience. I was in school.
In a new city, Chicago, lonely, and very cold. Her name was Bonnie, and her picture on Nerve. After a few chatty e-mail notes, we set up a meeting at a yuppie beer joint in Lincoln Park. I arrived first, sat at the bar, and ordered a beer. Those moments before your date shows up are priceless--my mind started racing a little, I could almost hear a low drum roll.
And there she was--she walked in, sat down, ordered a beer. The tattoo on her neck wasn't visible in her online picture. She looked a little rough around the edges, Bonnie did.
She was about my height or a little taller, and she was built--and I don't mean built in a girly way, I mean she looked like she could bench press about twice my weight.
She ordered another beer. And another, and another. Her cool, detached attitude soon turned boisterous and aggressive. She lapped me several times beer-wise, and didn't seem to notice, while peppering me with questions about past relationships.
After about an hour I'd seen and heard enough. When I smoothly begged off, claiming a study group meeting, she just looked at me blankly--then, I thought, a little menacingly. I thought I saw a vein pop out on her neck. After a long pause, she said, "You know, I think I'll walk outside with you. I felt the cold blast of the door swinging open, heard her walking behind me.
My heart was beating fast as I stepped onto the sidewalk. I braced myself for a wallop and turned, but she was already lighting a cigarette. Without looking up she said, "See you around. For some people it works so well that it becomes a problem. Consider the story of "Shannon" from Washington D. At times I tried to stop the madness. I'd take down my ads, I'd tell people I was taking a "break" from dating, I'd arrange to see the same guy several times just to keep me from going on new dates.
But always, inevitably, I'd log in just to see who was out there, what new ads were posted in my absence As a result, I started having more dates than free evenings. I became an expert stacker. My performance at work started to suffer. Between arranging dates and answering e-mails, I rarely finished my projects on time. Plus I started coming in late, hungover from the prior evening's activities.