Tactfully breaking off casual dating July 12, 4: My short term relationships mostly fizzled out without any formal break up. After many years of not being able to land a date, I gave up and now seem to be going on dates all the time women I meet offline and online. Although I am having a good time, I have no idea how to end these casual dating relationships when I am no longer interested. We chatted a couple of times, I asked her out, and went on a date. A week later we had a second date. After both dates, she wrote me a nice email saying how much she enjoyed it and that she was looking forward to seeing me again.
I would probably also avoid that coffee shop for a little while. But clearly this is not the adult thing to do. What is the graceful, adult thing to do here? I have been on the other side of this too. A few weeks ago I went on a date with someone I met on okc. I wrote her an email and called a few days after the date. We played text tag for a couple of days but then she stopped responding and deleted her profile.
So that was the end of that. Is that the way to go? Stop responding and the other person just takes the hint? I think it's better not to respond. Ooh, that guy I hate. There's no reason to break up with a woman who isn't your girlfriend.
There was a similar question awhile ago. How do I say "no" without being mean? I think the advice applies to you. I'm not saying it's the best method especially in this case, where you met her not though online dating networks, but in person , but it is certainly common enough for her to get the picture. How she takes it whether it you break up with her through non-response, or by email response, or by telling her so in-person is pretty arbitrary.
People take things like this in different ways, some shockingly poorly, some surprisingly well. Ignoring her straight off is way harsh, even if it's the "norm. I was actually "dumped" a couple months ago after a couple dates, but the guy wrote me an email I probably still have it Feel free to copy. Thanks for the email. I want to level with you, I like you, but I don't think we'd make a good couple.
I'm glad you had a good time on the nights we went out, I had fun too. I just don't think we're really compatible, and it's best to break things off cleanly. Now, if you send an email like that but she keeps calling or emailing But stopping all communication without an explanation isn't only rude, but it leaves her guessing and not really knowing what's going on.
In one case, that led to the girl proposing that we be "friends with benefits"; subsequently we hooked up every six months or so she wanted more often, but as I'd dumped her because I didn't want to be leading her on if she was hearing the ticking of the mommy-clock, I purposely kept the hook-ups to a minimum, so as not to get in the way of her pursuing a LTR with someone interested in being a daddy.
You can tactfully tell her you aren't interested in carrying things in a deeper direction. That way you can both move on quickly, you get to feel good about yourself for owning your feelings but not being unkind. And you get to keep your favorite hang out spots, etc. After some experience, I learned it's best to just gently let people know. You take a woman out on a date to tell her you don't want to date her?
Wow, OP, do not do this. The responses on this thread are interesting and I'll be keeping track - to me, a dawning realization over a couple of days is definitely preferable to reception of a DO NOT WANT email And unfortunately, a lot of people still imagine a glimmer of hope with no response at all, and I don't think that's really fair. Something very kind and light, even ambiguous. You don't want to give her a complex. This works until you've had three or four serious dates. Then you're stuck doing it in person, or at least on the phone.
A nice email like AlisonM's suggestion is nice, but neither required nor common. Besides, how long does it take to fire off an email like that? Much nicer, and much more mature than not returning calls, etc. When did abandoning the simple human politeness of an email or phone call become the "usual approach"?
Ask that guy how he'd prefer to learn that someone has decided she's not interested. Listen carefully to answer. If you are dating people that you respect, you at the very least should send an email saying that you are no longer interested in dating them. Something like this gets the message across politely but firmly: Dear X, I just wanted to be up front and send a quick email to say that I have had a really good time getting to know you and hanging out, but I don't see this as more than friends.
Is that really so hard? I'm sorry to be responding so much but No, it's not hard, but I don't know if it's best. I feel like going on a couple of dates with someone makes them an acquaintance. Would it be insane for me to email all of my male acquaintances and inform them in no uncertain terms that I have no interest in dating them?
I think it would. Would it be insane to email all of my half-assed friends with whom I engage in "oh yes we should have a drink sometime, sure! I don't see how dating is any different - not asking me out again doesn't hurt my feelings. Telling me you would never want to date me would hurt my feelings very much.
It blew, but so much better than wondering WTF? And I also think that dating people is different from other sorts of casual acquaintances, as the people I am acquainted with in a group situation have a significantly different context than that of dating someone, which generally has the goal of either getting into a relationship or not. I also tend not to make specific plans with casual acquaintances, but just see them at random things that I am also attending.
Since you're both regulars at the coffee shop, I bet you're going to see her again unless you change your habits. So let her know. Ignoring the emails of someone you see around somewhat frequently is. Mostly because you never know how interested someone might be in you, and wondering what happened is maddening when you really like someone.
While I would understand if someone disappeared, I would always think well of someone who took a minute to let me know what was up and didn't leave me hanging. It's become so commonplace that I stopped getting upset about it when it happened to me, but I always really appreciated guys who told me nicely that it wasn't working for them, and I emailed them back to say thanks for letting me know and to wish them well.
It's always best to keep the number of people who think you are an asshole as small as possible, even if you think you'll never see them again. It's a finite world. That woman you ignored and avoided may become your next door neighbour, best friend's wife, mortgage officer, or boss some day. This is because we are all very different people, and we all have different preferences.
Personally, I would prefer no contact. It's gentle, it lets me down kindly, and it gets the message across. If a guy that I had fun on a date with were to send me an email saying "Thanks but no thanks," or "It was fun, but I don't think we're a great match," I'll probably overthink and overanalyze every word, every punctuation, and even the time and date of the email.
But that's just me. On the other hand, other people would prefer these types of emails. So, no right or wrong answer here. So my initial advice is that you should think about what type of girl she seems to be and go with your gut. However, this advice only applies if she hasn't texted you or called you or emailed you Dude, you need to reply to her because she deserves a response after sticking her neck out there and basically telling you that she likes your company.
If you fade out she'll have a week or two of "oh well maybe he's been busy, or lost his cell phone, let me call him again" and this waiting and wondering SUCKS. KateHasQuestions is totally right: Naturally you want to avoid that. Keeping her wondering and waiting until she "figures it out" on her own is you wasting her time. Don't initiate a rejection. Just respond the next time she contacts you, using one of the many suggested kind forms above.
Then again, if I'm interested in someone I tend to be fairly explicit about that, and tell them in an un-pressured manner to let me know if they would like to see me again. Then again, I am still single, so perhaps this is not the best way to go about securing future dates. Not that I think you'll do this, anonymous, but definitely don't offer to be friends unless you really want to be.
In this case, you don't enjoy the woman's company, so you wouldn't suggest the friend route. This thread brought back memories of an anecdote I read in the token "guy column" in a woman's magazine many years ago, back when I actually enjoyed the occasional woman's mag.