Witty opening lines for dating sites. Online Dating 201: Why Women Don’t Respond.



Witty opening lines for dating sites

Witty opening lines for dating sites

The Story After the silent opening credits influenced by director Martin Ritt's film The Front , starring Woody Allen , the opening scene has the main character indistinguishable from Woody Allen himself, dressed in a tweed jacket, red plaid shirt, and his black-framed spectacles speaking intimately and directly to the audience viewer in a full, stark closeup. He tells two key Jewish jokes in a stand-up, vaudeville-style monologue. In his first joke, he satirizes his own feelings about life and its miserable shortcomings: Two elderly women are at a Catskill Mountain resort.

And one of 'em says: And such small portions. Full of loneliness and misery and suffering and unhappiness, and it's all over much too quickly.

His second joke pays tribute to key individuals in his life - Groucho Marx and Sigmund Freud. From Groucho Marx, the comedian learned comedy. From Freud's writings on wit and jokes, the 'pleasure mechanism', neuroses, dreams, and psychopathology [the content of the film, in fact! The other important joke for me is one that's usually attributed to Groucho Marx but I think it appears originally in Freud's Wit and Its Relation to the Unconscious - and it goes like this.

I would never want to belong to any club that would have someone like me for a member. That's the key joke of my adult life, in terms of my relationships with women. The malcontented comic, later identified as Alvy Singer Woody Allen [the name bears some resemblance to the hedonistic, Cockney title character in Alfie - a similar film about the lead character's love life and his problems with commitment], has just turned forty and already experienced two failures in his previous marriages to intellectual Jewish women and is in the middle of a mid-life crisis, with aging bringing on signs of slight balding: Unless I'm one of those guys with saliva dribbling out of his mouth who wanders into a cafeteria with a shopping bag screaming about socialism.

Devastated, the comedian switches from the chatter of his comedy act to melancholy. He also switches from the clearly delineated Woody Allen character to the fictional character of the film. The film searches for his answer to the question - Why did they break up? He confesses in a crest-fallen manner: Annie and I broke up. And I still can't get my mind around that. You know, I keep sifting the pieces of the relationship through my mind, and examining my life and trying to figure out where did the screwup come, you know.

A year ago, we were in love, you know. As a successful, but neurotic Jewish New York comedian, he doesn't consider himself a "morose type. I-I, uh, you know, I was a reasonably happy kid, I guess," he assures the audience and himself.

Fixated on his past as one possible answer to his question, Alvy looks back to his childhood, mixing a quasi-Freudian analysis with Groucho Marx-ian humor. His over-protective, over-achieving, and panicked Jewish mother Joan Newman has brought her young and insecure, but precocious, bespectacled 9 year old son Alvy Singer Jonathan Munk to a doctor.

The boy, exhibiting the latent characteristics of his future adult personality, is pre-occupied with contemplating Death - he metaphysically despairs at the impending expansion of the universe and humankind's doom to the condescending and patronizing physician: All of a sudden, he can't do anything.

Why are you depressed, Alvy? To the doctor It's something he read. Something he read, huh? The universe is expanding Well, the universe is everything, and if it's expanding, some day it will break apart and that will be the end of everything. What is that your business?

To the doctor He stopped doing his homework. What has the universe got to do with it? You're here in Brooklyn. Brooklyn is not expanding. It won't be expanding for billions of years, yet Alvy. And we've got to try to enjoy ourselves while we're here, huh, huh? He gives an artificial laugh before taking another drag on his cigarette According to the voice-over account by an adult Alvy, he is trying to discover the reasons for his adult confusion by subjecting himself to Freudian analysis - and realizing that he has exaggerated his childhood memories.

Flashbacks show his early childhood and grade schooling experience. His neurotic, nervous personality may be due to having been brought up in a trembling house underneath the roller coaster in the Coney Island section of Brooklyn. In the Singer home, the house was subjected to vicious shaking each time a roller-coaster car rode by that was filled with amusement park thrill-seekers. At the dinner table, Alvy suffers - struggling to ladle a quivering spoon-full of reddish tomato soup into his mouth.

The roller-coaster was popularized with a cameo in the film. The real rollercoaster -- dubbed the Thunderbolt -- opened in The house in which young Alvy supposedly "lived" was the actual home of the ride's owners, the Moran family, who were interviewed in PBS's American Experience documentary Coney Island: A Documentary Film It was the first roller-coaster to use a steel frame. It lay abandoned for many years and was demolished in mid-November, The teachers at his school are mocked and castigated for their ignorance in the profession: And those who can't teach teach GYM.

And, of course, those who couldn't do anything, I think, were assigned to our school. What did I do? You should be ashamed of yourself. Why, I was just expressing a healthy sexual curiosity.

Six year old boys don't have girls on their minds. For god's sakes, Alvy, even Freud speaks of a latency period. Well I never had a latency period. I can't help it. Why couldn't you have been more like Donald? Now there was a model boy. In a scene which implies denial of free will, some of them admit their adult life's failures: Now I'm a methadone addict. They did not take me in the Army.

I was, uhm, interestingly enough, I was 4-P. In the event of war, I'm a hostage. Directly to the camera as she peels carrots, Alvy's mother chastises her neurotic, adult son: You never could get along with anyone in school.

You were always out of step with the world. Even when you got famous, you still mistrusted the world. A stationary camera shoots down a quiet, urban sidewalk - way in the distance, two people approach closer and closer, engrossed in conversation. Their voices are heard off-screen. Insecure, sensitive and paranoid of ethnic and anti-Semitic remarks, an agitated Alvy explains to his calm friend Rob Tony Roberts , that he thinks an acquaintance has made an anti-Semitic remark in a Jew-baiting incident: Rob thinks that Alvy often called 'Max' by Rob - and vice versa "sees conspiracies in everything.

Rob suggests that Alvy move from crazy New York City to sunny Los Angeles where all of show business is located, and where he can escape such prejudices. Alvy clearly prefers Manhattan to living in Los Angeles: I don't want to live in a city where the only cultural advantage is that you can make a right turn on a red light.

The next amusing sequence stereotypes interaction with a pushy, intrusive fan. While waiting outside the Beekman Theatre on Second Avenue to meet Annie they are midway into their relationship , Alvy is recognized by an obnoxious male pedestrian the gag speculates the guy is from the 'cast of The Godfather' - a film also featuring Diane Keaton! Are you on television? After a long pause, Alvy admits Yeah, once in a while You're on, uh, the, uh, the Johnny Carson, right? Once in a while, you know I-m - I'm uh, I'm Robert Redford.

Alvy extends his hand for a shake: Thanks very much for everything. Hey loudly beckoning a friend! Dis is Alvy Singah! Dis guy's on television!!! I need the large polo mallet. Dis guy - on the Johnny Carson Show. Fellas, what is this? A meeting of the Teamsters? Kineye 'ave your ortograph? You don't want my autograph? It's for my girlfriend.

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Opening Lines That WORK For All Age Groups



Witty opening lines for dating sites

The Story After the silent opening credits influenced by director Martin Ritt's film The Front , starring Woody Allen , the opening scene has the main character indistinguishable from Woody Allen himself, dressed in a tweed jacket, red plaid shirt, and his black-framed spectacles speaking intimately and directly to the audience viewer in a full, stark closeup.

He tells two key Jewish jokes in a stand-up, vaudeville-style monologue. In his first joke, he satirizes his own feelings about life and its miserable shortcomings: Two elderly women are at a Catskill Mountain resort.

And one of 'em says: And such small portions. Full of loneliness and misery and suffering and unhappiness, and it's all over much too quickly. His second joke pays tribute to key individuals in his life - Groucho Marx and Sigmund Freud. From Groucho Marx, the comedian learned comedy. From Freud's writings on wit and jokes, the 'pleasure mechanism', neuroses, dreams, and psychopathology [the content of the film, in fact!

The other important joke for me is one that's usually attributed to Groucho Marx but I think it appears originally in Freud's Wit and Its Relation to the Unconscious - and it goes like this.

I would never want to belong to any club that would have someone like me for a member. That's the key joke of my adult life, in terms of my relationships with women. The malcontented comic, later identified as Alvy Singer Woody Allen [the name bears some resemblance to the hedonistic, Cockney title character in Alfie - a similar film about the lead character's love life and his problems with commitment], has just turned forty and already experienced two failures in his previous marriages to intellectual Jewish women and is in the middle of a mid-life crisis, with aging bringing on signs of slight balding: Unless I'm one of those guys with saliva dribbling out of his mouth who wanders into a cafeteria with a shopping bag screaming about socialism.

Devastated, the comedian switches from the chatter of his comedy act to melancholy. He also switches from the clearly delineated Woody Allen character to the fictional character of the film. The film searches for his answer to the question - Why did they break up? He confesses in a crest-fallen manner: Annie and I broke up. And I still can't get my mind around that. You know, I keep sifting the pieces of the relationship through my mind, and examining my life and trying to figure out where did the screwup come, you know.

A year ago, we were in love, you know. As a successful, but neurotic Jewish New York comedian, he doesn't consider himself a "morose type. I-I, uh, you know, I was a reasonably happy kid, I guess," he assures the audience and himself. Fixated on his past as one possible answer to his question, Alvy looks back to his childhood, mixing a quasi-Freudian analysis with Groucho Marx-ian humor. His over-protective, over-achieving, and panicked Jewish mother Joan Newman has brought her young and insecure, but precocious, bespectacled 9 year old son Alvy Singer Jonathan Munk to a doctor.

The boy, exhibiting the latent characteristics of his future adult personality, is pre-occupied with contemplating Death - he metaphysically despairs at the impending expansion of the universe and humankind's doom to the condescending and patronizing physician: All of a sudden, he can't do anything.

Why are you depressed, Alvy? To the doctor It's something he read. Something he read, huh? The universe is expanding Well, the universe is everything, and if it's expanding, some day it will break apart and that will be the end of everything. What is that your business? To the doctor He stopped doing his homework.

What has the universe got to do with it? You're here in Brooklyn. Brooklyn is not expanding. It won't be expanding for billions of years, yet Alvy. And we've got to try to enjoy ourselves while we're here, huh, huh? He gives an artificial laugh before taking another drag on his cigarette According to the voice-over account by an adult Alvy, he is trying to discover the reasons for his adult confusion by subjecting himself to Freudian analysis - and realizing that he has exaggerated his childhood memories.

Flashbacks show his early childhood and grade schooling experience. His neurotic, nervous personality may be due to having been brought up in a trembling house underneath the roller coaster in the Coney Island section of Brooklyn. In the Singer home, the house was subjected to vicious shaking each time a roller-coaster car rode by that was filled with amusement park thrill-seekers. At the dinner table, Alvy suffers - struggling to ladle a quivering spoon-full of reddish tomato soup into his mouth.

The roller-coaster was popularized with a cameo in the film. The real rollercoaster -- dubbed the Thunderbolt -- opened in The house in which young Alvy supposedly "lived" was the actual home of the ride's owners, the Moran family, who were interviewed in PBS's American Experience documentary Coney Island: A Documentary Film It was the first roller-coaster to use a steel frame. It lay abandoned for many years and was demolished in mid-November, The teachers at his school are mocked and castigated for their ignorance in the profession: And those who can't teach teach GYM.

And, of course, those who couldn't do anything, I think, were assigned to our school. What did I do? You should be ashamed of yourself. Why, I was just expressing a healthy sexual curiosity. Six year old boys don't have girls on their minds. For god's sakes, Alvy, even Freud speaks of a latency period. Well I never had a latency period. I can't help it. Why couldn't you have been more like Donald? Now there was a model boy. In a scene which implies denial of free will, some of them admit their adult life's failures: Now I'm a methadone addict.

They did not take me in the Army. I was, uhm, interestingly enough, I was 4-P. In the event of war, I'm a hostage. Directly to the camera as she peels carrots, Alvy's mother chastises her neurotic, adult son: You never could get along with anyone in school.

You were always out of step with the world. Even when you got famous, you still mistrusted the world. A stationary camera shoots down a quiet, urban sidewalk - way in the distance, two people approach closer and closer, engrossed in conversation.

Their voices are heard off-screen. Insecure, sensitive and paranoid of ethnic and anti-Semitic remarks, an agitated Alvy explains to his calm friend Rob Tony Roberts , that he thinks an acquaintance has made an anti-Semitic remark in a Jew-baiting incident: Rob thinks that Alvy often called 'Max' by Rob - and vice versa "sees conspiracies in everything.

Rob suggests that Alvy move from crazy New York City to sunny Los Angeles where all of show business is located, and where he can escape such prejudices. Alvy clearly prefers Manhattan to living in Los Angeles: I don't want to live in a city where the only cultural advantage is that you can make a right turn on a red light.

The next amusing sequence stereotypes interaction with a pushy, intrusive fan. While waiting outside the Beekman Theatre on Second Avenue to meet Annie they are midway into their relationship , Alvy is recognized by an obnoxious male pedestrian the gag speculates the guy is from the 'cast of The Godfather' - a film also featuring Diane Keaton!

Are you on television? After a long pause, Alvy admits Yeah, once in a while You're on, uh, the, uh, the Johnny Carson, right? Once in a while, you know I-m - I'm uh, I'm Robert Redford. Alvy extends his hand for a shake: Thanks very much for everything. Hey loudly beckoning a friend! Dis is Alvy Singah! Dis guy's on television!!! I need the large polo mallet. Dis guy - on the Johnny Carson Show. Fellas, what is this?

A meeting of the Teamsters? Kineye 'ave your ortograph? You don't want my autograph? It's for my girlfriend.

Witty opening lines for dating sites

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